Good Morning blog-ola,
Woke up nice an early today and hit the pool, it was great. Im feeling an uplift in life today. I just wanted to drop by and tell you what I saw at the pool today cuz it made me laugh pretty hard. Its been some time since I slowed down and watched nature be nature and this morning I actually got to see nature first hand. I was sitting in my car just collecting my thoughts outside of the pool, when I saw a flock of seagulls ( insert joke here ) swoop down on to the patch of grass in front of me. I had my music going so I was not listening to thier annoying cackles, but then a small flock of songbirds swooped down in the same patch. Much smaller in size than the gulls I might add. The song birds were in their own little spot of the grass patch away from the gulls. I sat here and watched these gulls sit and nit pick at each other. Then one of the gulls picked up a piece of trash, it was a plastic to go bag with soy sauce packets in it. This gull kept picking it up and the other gulls kept trying to take it from him. He would drop it and cackle at them, then pick up the bag again and waddle a bit further before repeating the same process. One particular gull kept really pushing his buttons, he had, had enough and dropped the bag and chased this other annoying gull away. The moment this had happened the audience of songbirds swooped in picked up the bag and flew off. I laughed in amazement at how mother nature has one of the greatest senses of humor ever.
Thursday, June 10, 2010
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
The Snozberries Taste Like.........Shit
Hey Blogenstien,
I just got a quick one for ya tonight.
Quick run down: two guys are in a room Guy A is throwing a wacky wall walker against the window, watching it walk down the window, then licking it to stick better and doing it again. Guy B is just sitting there in a day dream. Here is the conversation
A: Hey check this out ( throws wacky wall walker on window)
B: K.........? ( Puzzled look and tone)
A: You didn't see, you were not looking ( repeats wacky wall walker action)
B: Yea, I saw you the first time. I'm sitting right next to you with nothing else to look at. What do you think I've been looking at?
A: I don't believe you, watch one more time and then we'll go get milk from the Food Lion. ( just as he is about to throw it guy B slaps him in the face)
B: STOP MAN!...............my kids lick those windows.
I just got a quick one for ya tonight.
Quick run down: two guys are in a room Guy A is throwing a wacky wall walker against the window, watching it walk down the window, then licking it to stick better and doing it again. Guy B is just sitting there in a day dream. Here is the conversation
A: Hey check this out ( throws wacky wall walker on window)
B: K.........? ( Puzzled look and tone)
A: You didn't see, you were not looking ( repeats wacky wall walker action)
B: Yea, I saw you the first time. I'm sitting right next to you with nothing else to look at. What do you think I've been looking at?
A: I don't believe you, watch one more time and then we'll go get milk from the Food Lion. ( just as he is about to throw it guy B slaps him in the face)
B: STOP MAN!...............my kids lick those windows.
Sunday, May 9, 2010
This Movie Is Nothing But Ropes and Asses........Pilgrim
Blog Stop,
Hey guy its been a coon's age since I talked to you.
Let me catch you up on what has been happening since I last spoke with you. Sorry I don't have much comedy nonsense for you tonight. But I do have lots to fill you in on.
Lets see, I am getting out of a self induced depression. I have had a birthday, I've been watching the shit out of MST3K, King of the Hill, and the X-Files. ( P.s I may have missed the boat on this by about a decade but I'll still say it, I would give Agent Dana Scully a run for her money......twice on a bad day. She is still hot as ever. I started tanning again and working out so thats been helping with the coming out of a depression. I bought a voice recorder with the money my parents sent me for my birthday. I plan on using it once I get my ass up on stage for some open mic nights. I know i have been saying and talking about that ever since I met you but it takes time. I looked into doing some plays this fall, auditions start this fall in August so that would be pretty sweet if I did that. I also plan on making my own Riff Tracks. If you are not familiar with Riff Trax, they are downloadable movie commentaries done by the same guys who did Mystery Science Theater 3000. They offer you the ability to record your own commentaries and post them to thier site. So right now I am working on the 1992 Sci-Fi movie The LawnmowerMan with the one and only James Bond (Pierce Brosnan). That should be fun. That pretty much sums up the last few weeks and a little outlook into the summer. OH! one more thing today I spent the day playing mini golf.....drunk outta my mind ( no i did not drive) but it was fun as shit so fun in fact we have decided that one weekend of the month we are going to go drunk mini golfing!! it shold be pretty fun I'll keep you posted, along with the rest of the stuff I mentioned.
Have a good one blogging buddy bear.
PPEACE
Hey guy its been a coon's age since I talked to you.
Let me catch you up on what has been happening since I last spoke with you. Sorry I don't have much comedy nonsense for you tonight. But I do have lots to fill you in on.
Lets see, I am getting out of a self induced depression. I have had a birthday, I've been watching the shit out of MST3K, King of the Hill, and the X-Files. ( P.s I may have missed the boat on this by about a decade but I'll still say it, I would give Agent Dana Scully a run for her money......twice on a bad day. She is still hot as ever. I started tanning again and working out so thats been helping with the coming out of a depression. I bought a voice recorder with the money my parents sent me for my birthday. I plan on using it once I get my ass up on stage for some open mic nights. I know i have been saying and talking about that ever since I met you but it takes time. I looked into doing some plays this fall, auditions start this fall in August so that would be pretty sweet if I did that. I also plan on making my own Riff Tracks. If you are not familiar with Riff Trax, they are downloadable movie commentaries done by the same guys who did Mystery Science Theater 3000. They offer you the ability to record your own commentaries and post them to thier site. So right now I am working on the 1992 Sci-Fi movie The LawnmowerMan with the one and only James Bond (Pierce Brosnan). That should be fun. That pretty much sums up the last few weeks and a little outlook into the summer. OH! one more thing today I spent the day playing mini golf.....drunk outta my mind ( no i did not drive) but it was fun as shit so fun in fact we have decided that one weekend of the month we are going to go drunk mini golfing!! it shold be pretty fun I'll keep you posted, along with the rest of the stuff I mentioned.
Have a good one blogging buddy bear.
PPEACE
Monday, April 12, 2010
Lets Take A Step Back And Read That Again
Blogspeed,
I gotta get some better nicknames for ya man. I'll do my best to think of some. On tonight's menu I've got some good cuisine for ya. I'm going to be talking about my dad. Now don't get me wrong I love and respect my dad to the fullest. I just have to say some stuff and get off my chest.
When I was growing up, I used to get most of my life lessons from a little show I like to call "This Is Every Family, But Mine". You might know it by its TV Guide title: Growing Pains. I thought that this was the way every family dealt with situations in their life. I soon found out that life lessons were not all Alan Thicke and Kirk Cameron like I was lead to believe by the magic of Disney Channel reruns.
When my dad handed down life lessons he would do it in a way that would not make sense to me at the time, but as I grew older I would start to get what he was saying bit by bit. I think when he told them to me they were clear and justified in his head, and never needed to be repeated. But to me it was like he was my arch nemesis and never really wanted me to understand what he was saying. I think he was just trying to make me think for myself but, I felt like I was Batman and he was the Riddeler most of the time. Here are some examples, I think you'll get what I am trying to convey after you read them:
Whats real when you look at them and not real when you feel them?
I found this answer out when I was 20....Fake Breasts!
Some times they were not really riddles but they were cryptic, which meant you needed to be part of my bloodline to decode it.
If you stare at bird shit long enough, your gonna get shit on
Turns out this one simply means that bad things happen to good people.
And other times the simplest things would come in the oddest arrangement of words.
The day I have you crossing the river in high heels is the day I'll be married to your uncle
Its time for you to move out
But nonetheless whatever the message was I always got it at some point in my life. To be honest I would not have it any other way. I think some kids these days have it too easy when their parents come right out and say what they mean. I'm going to do the very thing my dad did to me, to my kids.
I gotta get some better nicknames for ya man. I'll do my best to think of some. On tonight's menu I've got some good cuisine for ya. I'm going to be talking about my dad. Now don't get me wrong I love and respect my dad to the fullest. I just have to say some stuff and get off my chest.
When I was growing up, I used to get most of my life lessons from a little show I like to call "This Is Every Family, But Mine". You might know it by its TV Guide title: Growing Pains. I thought that this was the way every family dealt with situations in their life. I soon found out that life lessons were not all Alan Thicke and Kirk Cameron like I was lead to believe by the magic of Disney Channel reruns.
When my dad handed down life lessons he would do it in a way that would not make sense to me at the time, but as I grew older I would start to get what he was saying bit by bit. I think when he told them to me they were clear and justified in his head, and never needed to be repeated. But to me it was like he was my arch nemesis and never really wanted me to understand what he was saying. I think he was just trying to make me think for myself but, I felt like I was Batman and he was the Riddeler most of the time. Here are some examples, I think you'll get what I am trying to convey after you read them:
Whats real when you look at them and not real when you feel them?
I found this answer out when I was 20....Fake Breasts!
Some times they were not really riddles but they were cryptic, which meant you needed to be part of my bloodline to decode it.
If you stare at bird shit long enough, your gonna get shit on
Turns out this one simply means that bad things happen to good people.
And other times the simplest things would come in the oddest arrangement of words.
The day I have you crossing the river in high heels is the day I'll be married to your uncle
Its time for you to move out
But nonetheless whatever the message was I always got it at some point in my life. To be honest I would not have it any other way. I think some kids these days have it too easy when their parents come right out and say what they mean. I'm going to do the very thing my dad did to me, to my kids.
Friday, April 9, 2010
America's Favorite Past Time
Billion Dollar Blogger,
What up broham how you doing tonight. Been a decent day......not really I forgot to wear my nicotine patch, so that sums up today. Enough though because you don't want hear me bitch. I've got a little bit for you tonight and I think once you hear it you'll be glad you did.
Tonight I want to dabble on the topic of strippers. Yep, strippers. I do not like to admit this to many people, but your a close friend so I don't mind telling you. I went to a Strip Club the other night called Allegra's Window. ( most of you may remember there was once a show on Nick Jr. by the same name. no relation, trust me) So I entered Allegra's Window, now mind you I don't frequent strip clubs often. I think I have maybe been to them about three times my entire life, this being my third. I did not really know what to expect from this joint. It seemed classy enough, it had the usual. Several different stages with poles in the center, pits where the customers would sit, and signs pointing to the "fun room". ( which i can only assume is where the fun stuff happens, fun stuff other than watching a woman take her bra and panties off in front of you) The one thing that struck me was that they had cards. I'm not talking like comment cards saying " hows our stripping", or cute little business cards with slogans " You can see EVERYTHING from Allegra's Window". But baseball cards, and instead of having Barry Bonds or Mark McGwire. They had strippers, with their names, stats, pictures, and other sort of crazy info. It was like a mini Playboy Centerfold without the airbrush perfected ta ta's.
I mean this was unlike anything I had ever fathomed, I had to write down what I the cards said just so I could tell you how crazy this was. Sorry I can not show you the pictures but the scanner is broken. Here are the three I managed to take home though. These things are incredible though. I mean they are exactly like baseball cards execpt with half naked woman on them.
Here is the info from the cards.
Name: Stacy Lace ( in big large cursive letters )
Stage Name: Lacey
Ht: 5'7''
Wt: 125 lbs
Age: 23
Stage: Center Stage
Hometown: Baltimore, MD
Bio: Lacey is a 4 year veteran. She started stripping to pay her way through medical school. She is a 2nd year student at DSLCC (Dabney S. Lancaster Community Collge) She interns at Bath Community Hospital as a nurse during the day and is one of the best show girls Allegra's has ever seen. Stacey enjoys biking, fitness, helping the homeless, collecting cans, and World Of Warcraft.
I thought this card was pretty cute, and the picture that she had on here was pretty sexy I must say. Though the helping the homeless and can thing had me a little perplexed. However the next card took me for an entirely different loop, here is what is said.
Name: Katherine Yolang
Stage Name: Kitty Poodle ( i know this was the first thing that raised an eyebrow but it gets better )
Ht: 5'5''
Wt: 210 lbs ( ? )
Age: 39
Stage: Twilight Platform
Hometown: Coggon, IA
STD Contracted This Season: 5
Lifetime STD: 40 ( not sure if these last two stats really necessary , but........ )
Bio: Katherine is a seasoned striptease artist, with 19 years under her belt in the industry. She started stripping to help support her 3 children and give them a great education. She has held many jobs in her years as a dancer, all of which she was let go from for being "too promiscuous" or for having a "revealing wardrobe". Kathrine enjoys sex, tap dance, watching movies, and volunteering at the local truck stops as a bikini girl ( the gals who hold signs saying "car wash", though it baffles me as to why a truck stop would need such a humanitarian). Her favorite sexual position is The Three O'Clock Appointment ( the Three O'Clock Appointment is when a standing male has a woman wrap her legs around him and lean back, emulating 3 o'clock, just an FYI ). This card was unique because at the bottom it said this:
* Traded by Mark Wayne Enterprises, for Candy Apple in 1993.
I can't say much about the attractiveness of this woman, other than she had a very cute face......... though when she opened her mouth she had a smile that would make even Steve Buscemi blush. This last card is the card that really made me raise questions about the validity of this gentleman's club.
Name: Jil Hodges
Stage Name: The Los Angeles Dodger
Ht: 6'1''
Wt: 205
Bats: Right
Throws: Right
Born: April 4, 1984
Hometown: Brooklyn, New York
Bio: A veteran of 16 years with Dodgers, Jil is the industries greatest right-handed home run hitter in history. In 1991 she hit her 361st homer equaling Joe DiMaggio's home run mark of 361. She also holds the industries record for grand slams with 14. Jil is one of the finest fielders of all time.
* Drafted by Mets, Oct. 10, 1991
Now I was fine with this bio ( just figured a homer was code for trips to the fun room, though the mention of Joe DiMaggio was not really relevant, or so I thought) albeit she sound more like a professional than any of the other working ladies. What really shocked me was the little POST cereal symbol next to her biography. I investigated the card further only to find that this was a counterfeit stripper card we were dealing with. It was in fact Gil Hodges baseball card from 1962. I peeled back the plastic and pulled 'Jils' picture away, and sure as shit there was Gil starring right back at me. With his LA Dodger's cap, batting stance and all. This was the straw that broke the camels back, I paid for my drinks and left. I think that this experience scarred me for a long while, its going to be some time before I visit this establishment again, or even another strip club.
What up broham how you doing tonight. Been a decent day......not really I forgot to wear my nicotine patch, so that sums up today. Enough though because you don't want hear me bitch. I've got a little bit for you tonight and I think once you hear it you'll be glad you did.
Tonight I want to dabble on the topic of strippers. Yep, strippers. I do not like to admit this to many people, but your a close friend so I don't mind telling you. I went to a Strip Club the other night called Allegra's Window. ( most of you may remember there was once a show on Nick Jr. by the same name. no relation, trust me) So I entered Allegra's Window, now mind you I don't frequent strip clubs often. I think I have maybe been to them about three times my entire life, this being my third. I did not really know what to expect from this joint. It seemed classy enough, it had the usual. Several different stages with poles in the center, pits where the customers would sit, and signs pointing to the "fun room". ( which i can only assume is where the fun stuff happens, fun stuff other than watching a woman take her bra and panties off in front of you) The one thing that struck me was that they had cards. I'm not talking like comment cards saying " hows our stripping", or cute little business cards with slogans " You can see EVERYTHING from Allegra's Window". But baseball cards, and instead of having Barry Bonds or Mark McGwire. They had strippers, with their names, stats, pictures, and other sort of crazy info. It was like a mini Playboy Centerfold without the airbrush perfected ta ta's.
I mean this was unlike anything I had ever fathomed, I had to write down what I the cards said just so I could tell you how crazy this was. Sorry I can not show you the pictures but the scanner is broken. Here are the three I managed to take home though. These things are incredible though. I mean they are exactly like baseball cards execpt with half naked woman on them.
Here is the info from the cards.
Name: Stacy Lace ( in big large cursive letters )
Stage Name: Lacey
Ht: 5'7''
Wt: 125 lbs
Age: 23
Stage: Center Stage
Hometown: Baltimore, MD
Bio: Lacey is a 4 year veteran. She started stripping to pay her way through medical school. She is a 2nd year student at DSLCC (Dabney S. Lancaster Community Collge) She interns at Bath Community Hospital as a nurse during the day and is one of the best show girls Allegra's has ever seen. Stacey enjoys biking, fitness, helping the homeless, collecting cans, and World Of Warcraft.
I thought this card was pretty cute, and the picture that she had on here was pretty sexy I must say. Though the helping the homeless and can thing had me a little perplexed. However the next card took me for an entirely different loop, here is what is said.
Name: Katherine Yolang
Stage Name: Kitty Poodle ( i know this was the first thing that raised an eyebrow but it gets better )
Ht: 5'5''
Wt: 210 lbs ( ? )
Age: 39
Stage: Twilight Platform
Hometown: Coggon, IA
STD Contracted This Season: 5
Lifetime STD: 40 ( not sure if these last two stats really necessary , but........ )
Bio: Katherine is a seasoned striptease artist, with 19 years under her belt in the industry. She started stripping to help support her 3 children and give them a great education. She has held many jobs in her years as a dancer, all of which she was let go from for being "too promiscuous" or for having a "revealing wardrobe". Kathrine enjoys sex, tap dance, watching movies, and volunteering at the local truck stops as a bikini girl ( the gals who hold signs saying "car wash", though it baffles me as to why a truck stop would need such a humanitarian). Her favorite sexual position is The Three O'Clock Appointment ( the Three O'Clock Appointment is when a standing male has a woman wrap her legs around him and lean back, emulating 3 o'clock, just an FYI ). This card was unique because at the bottom it said this:
* Traded by Mark Wayne Enterprises, for Candy Apple in 1993.
I can't say much about the attractiveness of this woman, other than she had a very cute face......... though when she opened her mouth she had a smile that would make even Steve Buscemi blush. This last card is the card that really made me raise questions about the validity of this gentleman's club.
Name: Jil Hodges
Stage Name: The Los Angeles Dodger
Ht: 6'1''
Wt: 205
Bats: Right
Throws: Right
Born: April 4, 1984
Hometown: Brooklyn, New York
Bio: A veteran of 16 years with Dodgers, Jil is the industries greatest right-handed home run hitter in history. In 1991 she hit her 361st homer equaling Joe DiMaggio's home run mark of 361. She also holds the industries record for grand slams with 14. Jil is one of the finest fielders of all time.
* Drafted by Mets, Oct. 10, 1991
Now I was fine with this bio ( just figured a homer was code for trips to the fun room, though the mention of Joe DiMaggio was not really relevant, or so I thought) albeit she sound more like a professional than any of the other working ladies. What really shocked me was the little POST cereal symbol next to her biography. I investigated the card further only to find that this was a counterfeit stripper card we were dealing with. It was in fact Gil Hodges baseball card from 1962. I peeled back the plastic and pulled 'Jils' picture away, and sure as shit there was Gil starring right back at me. With his LA Dodger's cap, batting stance and all. This was the straw that broke the camels back, I paid for my drinks and left. I think that this experience scarred me for a long while, its going to be some time before I visit this establishment again, or even another strip club.
Thursday, April 8, 2010
Things That Go Boom
Blog Fella,
How goes it tonight? My ass kicked itself today, I went to the gym and only ran about 5 minutes because I pussied out and stopped. Oh well that shit happens from time to time I spose. Any way let me get into what I wanted to say tonight.
This is really a message for the ladies out there. No it is not some type of creepy way to ask anyone out there to date me. Keep reading if you made it this far, I assure you its safe.
In fact this is for all the ladies out there who already have men in their lives. I'm here to blow the lid wide open on a secret that we guys have. WE dudes have ONE thing in common that bind us together. This bond is on a separate plain which is above the emotional connection we "say" we have with you.
Deep down we all have the same childhood dream. Forget what we tell you about becoming a successful lawyer or one of the chefs this world has seen, even if we swear that some day we are going to become the next Brett Favre or Barry Bonds. Hidden deep down in a pit in our hearts where no woman can ever travel. What we truly want to do is, BLOW SHIT UP. Your eyes did not deceive you and your brain did not play any tricks on you. Its not being the next president of the United States, or even be lawns keeper at the most pristine gold course. Its blowing shit up. Trust me on this ladies I know where I am coming from, I may not be much of a man but I do what I am talking about and that talk is leading towards BLOWING the shit outta anything with ANYTHING that goes BOOM.
Think about a time when you were with your man, walking past a construction site. When he stops to gander over what is in front of him, its not to marvel at the architecture. No he is devising six different ways to blow the living crap out that framework in front of him. Then kick rocks out of there faster than James Bond.
Or how about when you go over to your friend Karen's for a couples barbecue on the Fourth of July? You better prey to whatever deity you hold stock in that there are not firecrackers and or bottle rockets at this thing. Because, I will tell you what exactly is going to happen. Your man is going to be all cordial when you first arrive, once you ladies go inside the house to refresh your drinks, powder your nose or snort some Coke off the bathroom vanity. Your man, along with the rest of the men at the BBQ are finding anything and everything there is to blow up with miniature explosives. Seeing how this is a Fourth of July BBQ and all, I'm going to assume that Karen did not skimp out on the tradition of hot dogs. Knowing that fact, get ready to see what a hot dog bun looks like when its laced up to a bottle rocket with some fishing line. OH! and get ready to see what a bottle of ketchup, an actual hot dog, and those wonderful tasting brownies(lets not kid ourselves here, we all know that is not Karen's secret family recipe. unless Karen's whole family finds thier secret dessert recipes on the back of a Betty Crocker Brownie box)look like when they go ker-blamo!
Oh I did forget to mention that if Karen is not a a total square or one of those Straight Edge cream puffs, there will be at least beer there. So you should also have 911, the ER, and poison control all on speed dial ( poison control seems a bit out of place right?, that is just a preliminary precaution, I mean ladies we are talking about mixing small explosions with SOME to MASS amount of alcohol. you'll thank me if you end up using this one)
This is because all dudes have the deep rooted sweet tooth for destruction, that started with our club carrying ancestors. Damn it! I mean man built the wheel for crying out loud. If you think for one second that the first thing he did when he created it was to create three exact replicas of his invention and go cruising the strip in his new 0000 B.C. GT Mustang looking for hot cave tail then you are going to be saddened when you read this next sentence. The first thing man did after inventing the wheel was take his rock hammer and smash the ever living piss out of that wheel. Why, you ask? Because he created the damn thing. That is the very same reason we LOVE to see shit go BOOM, and have a BIGGER LOVE for being the guy who pushes the button that makes it go BOOM.
So when your man starts talking to you about all his dreams and his well laid plans. Here is what I want you to do, NAY, here is what I order you to do. On the behalf of all men out there. Get your little keister down to the nearest firework stand and buy him a pack of firecrackers and or bottle rockets or anything that goes BOOM. Because no matter what he says he wants to blow something up right then and there.
P.S. If your man rejects the fireworks you just diligently bought for him. You may want to think about checking for an adam's apple because you might be with a lady.
How goes it tonight? My ass kicked itself today, I went to the gym and only ran about 5 minutes because I pussied out and stopped. Oh well that shit happens from time to time I spose. Any way let me get into what I wanted to say tonight.
This is really a message for the ladies out there. No it is not some type of creepy way to ask anyone out there to date me. Keep reading if you made it this far, I assure you its safe.
In fact this is for all the ladies out there who already have men in their lives. I'm here to blow the lid wide open on a secret that we guys have. WE dudes have ONE thing in common that bind us together. This bond is on a separate plain which is above the emotional connection we "say" we have with you.
Deep down we all have the same childhood dream. Forget what we tell you about becoming a successful lawyer or one of the chefs this world has seen, even if we swear that some day we are going to become the next Brett Favre or Barry Bonds. Hidden deep down in a pit in our hearts where no woman can ever travel. What we truly want to do is, BLOW SHIT UP. Your eyes did not deceive you and your brain did not play any tricks on you. Its not being the next president of the United States, or even be lawns keeper at the most pristine gold course. Its blowing shit up. Trust me on this ladies I know where I am coming from, I may not be much of a man but I do what I am talking about and that talk is leading towards BLOWING the shit outta anything with ANYTHING that goes BOOM.
Think about a time when you were with your man, walking past a construction site. When he stops to gander over what is in front of him, its not to marvel at the architecture. No he is devising six different ways to blow the living crap out that framework in front of him. Then kick rocks out of there faster than James Bond.
Or how about when you go over to your friend Karen's for a couples barbecue on the Fourth of July? You better prey to whatever deity you hold stock in that there are not firecrackers and or bottle rockets at this thing. Because, I will tell you what exactly is going to happen. Your man is going to be all cordial when you first arrive, once you ladies go inside the house to refresh your drinks, powder your nose or snort some Coke off the bathroom vanity. Your man, along with the rest of the men at the BBQ are finding anything and everything there is to blow up with miniature explosives. Seeing how this is a Fourth of July BBQ and all, I'm going to assume that Karen did not skimp out on the tradition of hot dogs. Knowing that fact, get ready to see what a hot dog bun looks like when its laced up to a bottle rocket with some fishing line. OH! and get ready to see what a bottle of ketchup, an actual hot dog, and those wonderful tasting brownies(lets not kid ourselves here, we all know that is not Karen's secret family recipe. unless Karen's whole family finds thier secret dessert recipes on the back of a Betty Crocker Brownie box)look like when they go ker-blamo!
Oh I did forget to mention that if Karen is not a a total square or one of those Straight Edge cream puffs, there will be at least beer there. So you should also have 911, the ER, and poison control all on speed dial ( poison control seems a bit out of place right?, that is just a preliminary precaution, I mean ladies we are talking about mixing small explosions with SOME to MASS amount of alcohol. you'll thank me if you end up using this one)
This is because all dudes have the deep rooted sweet tooth for destruction, that started with our club carrying ancestors. Damn it! I mean man built the wheel for crying out loud. If you think for one second that the first thing he did when he created it was to create three exact replicas of his invention and go cruising the strip in his new 0000 B.C. GT Mustang looking for hot cave tail then you are going to be saddened when you read this next sentence. The first thing man did after inventing the wheel was take his rock hammer and smash the ever living piss out of that wheel. Why, you ask? Because he created the damn thing. That is the very same reason we LOVE to see shit go BOOM, and have a BIGGER LOVE for being the guy who pushes the button that makes it go BOOM.
So when your man starts talking to you about all his dreams and his well laid plans. Here is what I want you to do, NAY, here is what I order you to do. On the behalf of all men out there. Get your little keister down to the nearest firework stand and buy him a pack of firecrackers and or bottle rockets or anything that goes BOOM. Because no matter what he says he wants to blow something up right then and there.
P.S. If your man rejects the fireworks you just diligently bought for him. You may want to think about checking for an adam's apple because you might be with a lady.
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
The Days When We Had Time To Enjoy Freedom
Hola Blog Ola,
Whats going on today buddy? Not much on this end. Just got off of work and I figured I'd fill your head with some nonsense. I was thinking back to the 3rd grade yesterday. I got to thinking about how great it was back in that day when life was so carefree and so much more simple. I mean I know for the most part every adult would like to be able to go back to the day when thier main focus was who they planned on kissing on the swing set at recess, or how to get rid of cooties ( the kind the girls had were the worst ). My train of thought however was going down the track of inside the class room. For me it was in the third grade that the teacher would either assign kids in the class jobs or take volunteers. For others it may have been earlier grades and some later classes. The point is these teachers ALWAYS had the same set up and the same basic lackeys. I'm going to indulge you on what we had in our class, you may have had different duties, or variations of the ones I had, but just bear with me I'm the one who is writing here not you.
Animal Wrangler - This particular duty included taking care of whatever pets your class may have had at the given time. The animal wrangler usually started off doing a good job and being really pumped about being chose for this job. As the year went on though they would start slacking on duties. The fish tank would starting getting that nasty green agile growing on the inside. So when you would go to look at the fish the hole would be about it felt like you were looking though a peep hole at a titty show. However you would be sadly disappointed to find floating corpses of what may have been fish at one time. The only surviving organism in the tank would be the little mini Carp like fish. They knew that death loomed above 2 inches of water and decided that their life was at the bottom of the tank. The hamster cages would be filled to the brim with 30 or 40 hamsters. Because one of the kids in the class decided his hamster was lonely at home. Every body was under the assumption that Twiggy the class hamster was a boy hamster and his new roomie Fred was also a boy. Turns out teacher should not be teaching science and or hamster anatomy, because Twiggy had a hoo hoo, and Fred filled that hoo hoo with his hamster juices. Which resulted in some offspring. And hamsters being one of the only species that do not mind humping their brothers and sisters the result would only be exponential. So when the whole cage of hamsters started "wrestling" (as the teacher would say)the thought of hamster euthanasia did not seem so bad. Which in this case you could kill two birds with one stone because we got to learn about death and lethal injection all in one science class. PLEASE FOLKS HAVE YOU HAMSTER SPADE OR NEUTERED. This kid usually sought to become a Zoo Keeper or Marine Biologist because of his 3rd grade experience with animals. However was mistaken when they learned how much schooling was incorporated with these jobs and settled on working at the Vet for free. Usually being the one who would administer the jolly lethal injection. (looks like 3rd grade was not a complete waste)
Eraser Cleaner- This job is the one where someone would take the erasers outside and smash them together to rid the classroom of that pesky white chalk dust. Little did teacher know that this little Joey was really getting high off chalk dust. Which would most likely pave the road to his future of either being a junkie or a drug dealer. And not the good kind of drug dealer. The kind of drug dealer who tries to convince you that by smoking Salvia divinorum or Spice you can get just as high as you would by smoking good old Mary Jane.
Chalk Board Washer- This fun and exciting job was the one where someone would grab the giant economy sized sponge and a bucket then go to town on cleaning all the chalk residue off the board. Little did they know the responsibilities and stress that came with this job. It is not as simple as wiping off the board with soap and water. There was a specific ratio of soap and water that had to be in the bucket. Too much water would leave the board all streaky and the teacher would complain about little Simon's ability to wash a chalkboard. Forcing Simon to go home and experiment with different chemicals in order to ensure a streak free chalkboard. Ultimately this resulted in Simon's OCD complex that all things black must be streak free. Also be careful there was not too much soap in the mixture because this would get in the chalk tray and anytime the teacher would grab a piece of chalk it would break until all she had left was a 1/4 inch piece of chalk to write on the board with. Again she would curse little Simon's ability to wash a chalkboard. This constant berating would force Simon to grow up with an interest in science and a deep rooted resentment for his third grade teacher. Ultimately Simon would become a scientist who would eventually invent a liquid form of Ecstasy. Who would then find himself arrested on charges of Manufacturing and illegal substance.
The Class Treasurer- Now any respectable adult knows that a 3rd grader hardly understands the concept of money. So with that being said this job duty included snack selection for Friday afternoon snack time. To this day I'm still trying to connect money with snacks, unless we are talking about prostitution. Any way so this kid would walk around the class all week and take a tally of everyone's vote for Snack Time on Friday afternoon. We all know, now that tally ploy was a front. What really would happen, is this kid would disregard everybody's ideas for snacks and just decided on what he wanted the most which usually was Rice Krispe Treats. This is a unique duty, in that it changed hands every month in order to ensure variety amongst snacks. Though I don't think the teacher knew what sort of variety of toppings could be found for Rice Krispe Treats. In the month of December we had Traditional Rice Krispe Treats, Rice Krispe Treats with peanut butter, Rice Krispe Treats with chocolate on top, and Christmas Time Rice Krispe Treats. (that last one we all know is a scam because its the same thing as the plain ones just with red and green colored Krispes, in my eyes that's a little lazy. mix some eggnog in there lets get festive) This kid would usually take a liking to the culinary arts, and lets not forget the title of treasurer. So how do you make money at the culinary arts is the real thought process going on. I'll tell who was The Class Treasurer of his class, Emeril Lagasse. BOOM!
Class Leader- Now this job sounded like it held the most weight and in truth it sort of did. Though most of the kids who had this job let the title go to thier head. Some of the responsibilities were:
-Lining up the class in at recess. You better have made sure you were at attention in line, and that your feet were squared up. If your foot was all willy nilly it would would get a passionate beating with a Weeping Willow branch from the Class Leader.
-Taking head counts when you would go to the assemblies. Right here is why you had to know how to grease the palms. If you were on his bad side, he would see to it your 3rd grade experience was a living hell and get your ass in as much trouble as was possible for an 8 year old to do.
(Note: Double Bubble is not nearly as good of bribe as a Laffy Taffy or a whole can of Bubble Tape is. But if you could supply your class leader with some Bazooka Joe Bubble Gum your pretty much a made man)
-Inspecting The cleanliness of the class is where the class leader would take pride. He would walk around with the brazenness of a military drill instructor with his white gloves. He would walk around the classroom and sniff out any trace of dust or chalk residue. He would also hold random locker and desk inspections. Now hopefully you were a bit luckier than I was, our classroom desks had little wells for us to put our supplies in. Unless you had OCD as a small child you could count on missing recess those days.
These kids usually would strive to become world leaders or power players in the world. I can list three people who I know for a fact were Class Room Leaders in thier day, Joseph Stalin, Hitler, and Bill Gates.
Whats going on today buddy? Not much on this end. Just got off of work and I figured I'd fill your head with some nonsense. I was thinking back to the 3rd grade yesterday. I got to thinking about how great it was back in that day when life was so carefree and so much more simple. I mean I know for the most part every adult would like to be able to go back to the day when thier main focus was who they planned on kissing on the swing set at recess, or how to get rid of cooties ( the kind the girls had were the worst ). My train of thought however was going down the track of inside the class room. For me it was in the third grade that the teacher would either assign kids in the class jobs or take volunteers. For others it may have been earlier grades and some later classes. The point is these teachers ALWAYS had the same set up and the same basic lackeys. I'm going to indulge you on what we had in our class, you may have had different duties, or variations of the ones I had, but just bear with me I'm the one who is writing here not you.
Animal Wrangler - This particular duty included taking care of whatever pets your class may have had at the given time. The animal wrangler usually started off doing a good job and being really pumped about being chose for this job. As the year went on though they would start slacking on duties. The fish tank would starting getting that nasty green agile growing on the inside. So when you would go to look at the fish the hole would be about it felt like you were looking though a peep hole at a titty show. However you would be sadly disappointed to find floating corpses of what may have been fish at one time. The only surviving organism in the tank would be the little mini Carp like fish. They knew that death loomed above 2 inches of water and decided that their life was at the bottom of the tank. The hamster cages would be filled to the brim with 30 or 40 hamsters. Because one of the kids in the class decided his hamster was lonely at home. Every body was under the assumption that Twiggy the class hamster was a boy hamster and his new roomie Fred was also a boy. Turns out teacher should not be teaching science and or hamster anatomy, because Twiggy had a hoo hoo, and Fred filled that hoo hoo with his hamster juices. Which resulted in some offspring. And hamsters being one of the only species that do not mind humping their brothers and sisters the result would only be exponential. So when the whole cage of hamsters started "wrestling" (as the teacher would say)the thought of hamster euthanasia did not seem so bad. Which in this case you could kill two birds with one stone because we got to learn about death and lethal injection all in one science class. PLEASE FOLKS HAVE YOU HAMSTER SPADE OR NEUTERED. This kid usually sought to become a Zoo Keeper or Marine Biologist because of his 3rd grade experience with animals. However was mistaken when they learned how much schooling was incorporated with these jobs and settled on working at the Vet for free. Usually being the one who would administer the jolly lethal injection. (looks like 3rd grade was not a complete waste)
Eraser Cleaner- This job is the one where someone would take the erasers outside and smash them together to rid the classroom of that pesky white chalk dust. Little did teacher know that this little Joey was really getting high off chalk dust. Which would most likely pave the road to his future of either being a junkie or a drug dealer. And not the good kind of drug dealer. The kind of drug dealer who tries to convince you that by smoking Salvia divinorum or Spice you can get just as high as you would by smoking good old Mary Jane.
Chalk Board Washer- This fun and exciting job was the one where someone would grab the giant economy sized sponge and a bucket then go to town on cleaning all the chalk residue off the board. Little did they know the responsibilities and stress that came with this job. It is not as simple as wiping off the board with soap and water. There was a specific ratio of soap and water that had to be in the bucket. Too much water would leave the board all streaky and the teacher would complain about little Simon's ability to wash a chalkboard. Forcing Simon to go home and experiment with different chemicals in order to ensure a streak free chalkboard. Ultimately this resulted in Simon's OCD complex that all things black must be streak free. Also be careful there was not too much soap in the mixture because this would get in the chalk tray and anytime the teacher would grab a piece of chalk it would break until all she had left was a 1/4 inch piece of chalk to write on the board with. Again she would curse little Simon's ability to wash a chalkboard. This constant berating would force Simon to grow up with an interest in science and a deep rooted resentment for his third grade teacher. Ultimately Simon would become a scientist who would eventually invent a liquid form of Ecstasy. Who would then find himself arrested on charges of Manufacturing and illegal substance.
The Class Treasurer- Now any respectable adult knows that a 3rd grader hardly understands the concept of money. So with that being said this job duty included snack selection for Friday afternoon snack time. To this day I'm still trying to connect money with snacks, unless we are talking about prostitution. Any way so this kid would walk around the class all week and take a tally of everyone's vote for Snack Time on Friday afternoon. We all know, now that tally ploy was a front. What really would happen, is this kid would disregard everybody's ideas for snacks and just decided on what he wanted the most which usually was Rice Krispe Treats. This is a unique duty, in that it changed hands every month in order to ensure variety amongst snacks. Though I don't think the teacher knew what sort of variety of toppings could be found for Rice Krispe Treats. In the month of December we had Traditional Rice Krispe Treats, Rice Krispe Treats with peanut butter, Rice Krispe Treats with chocolate on top, and Christmas Time Rice Krispe Treats. (that last one we all know is a scam because its the same thing as the plain ones just with red and green colored Krispes, in my eyes that's a little lazy. mix some eggnog in there lets get festive) This kid would usually take a liking to the culinary arts, and lets not forget the title of treasurer. So how do you make money at the culinary arts is the real thought process going on. I'll tell who was The Class Treasurer of his class, Emeril Lagasse. BOOM!
Class Leader- Now this job sounded like it held the most weight and in truth it sort of did. Though most of the kids who had this job let the title go to thier head. Some of the responsibilities were:
-Lining up the class in at recess. You better have made sure you were at attention in line, and that your feet were squared up. If your foot was all willy nilly it would would get a passionate beating with a Weeping Willow branch from the Class Leader.
-Taking head counts when you would go to the assemblies. Right here is why you had to know how to grease the palms. If you were on his bad side, he would see to it your 3rd grade experience was a living hell and get your ass in as much trouble as was possible for an 8 year old to do.
(Note: Double Bubble is not nearly as good of bribe as a Laffy Taffy or a whole can of Bubble Tape is. But if you could supply your class leader with some Bazooka Joe Bubble Gum your pretty much a made man)
-Inspecting The cleanliness of the class is where the class leader would take pride. He would walk around with the brazenness of a military drill instructor with his white gloves. He would walk around the classroom and sniff out any trace of dust or chalk residue. He would also hold random locker and desk inspections. Now hopefully you were a bit luckier than I was, our classroom desks had little wells for us to put our supplies in. Unless you had OCD as a small child you could count on missing recess those days.
These kids usually would strive to become world leaders or power players in the world. I can list three people who I know for a fact were Class Room Leaders in thier day, Joseph Stalin, Hitler, and Bill Gates.
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
Care Bear Poop
Hey Blogger Buddy,
How you doing as always I have to apologize for my lack of love I have showed you. Been a lazy couple of weeks and a hectic couple of weeks. So I'm going to jump right into this.
Being born in the late 80's, I was not the proverbial "Child Of The 80's". So it goes without saying I caught the ass end of the 80's cartoons. Which I am glad I did because I got hooked on my favorite cartoon of all time. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. In case you were wondering we are all the same age, 1987 baby! With that being said I started to examine cartoons and TV shows from the 80's. Now I know most people who created all these shows were most likely cracked out, strung out, tweeked out, high on downers, or down on uppers. So what I discovered is nothing new but I figured I would share my findings after all.
Yogi and Boo were bears, nothing strange about that, but the fact that they wore neck ties and no pants just kind of put me off and how is that allowed on television and not considered porn.
The Smurfs seem to be little piles of blue poo that walked around, if you think I am exaggerating think about the fact that they lived in mushrooms, and what grows out of shit......that's right MUSHROOMS!!!!! I mean at least the animators had enough sense to put some pants on them. Lets take a gander at the Smurfs nemesis Gargamel. He thought he was a wizard, and spent most of his time trying to conjure up ways to capture and eat the smurfs. Which we have already established are a form of blue fecal matter. So this guy who thinks he is a wizard spends his days trying to eat blue doo doo. Sound like someone who is locked up in prison right now.......yea your right he does sorta sound a bit like Charles Manson.
Care Bears, now lets think about this, little puffy bears runny around with magical tattoos on their bloated little bellies. That is a great message to send to kids. " Hey kids you want to spread care and have special powers? Go get you a tat on your stomach." No wonder so many "children of the 80's" have stupid tattoos.
Each one with thier own little dark and deviant persona:
Bedtime Bear- He's got a 1/4 moon on his beer gut and he helps put everyone to sleep, sounds like this guy is going around slipping roofies into every ones drinks and then having his way with them.
Birthday Bear- this little fat ass has a cupcake on his front porch. He is the junkie of the bunch, he loves birthdays and has a severe addiction to birthday cake and cupcakes. Its a wonder why kids these days have such a weight problem. If a cute cuddly little bear can wolf down sugar batter and not lose a leg to Type I Diabetes, then my kid can too said the parent who was once a child of the 80's.
Cheer Bear- this is one that confuses me as much as "her" gender confuses her. She rocks a Rainbow on her baby bump. Her back story is that of any New Yorker Junkie Transvestite. She was once a he ( now the Rainbow makes sense) and got unhappy having a schlong, he thought he would try feeling pretty. So it up and decided to chop it off. Only the plastic surgeon mixed up its hormone pills with antidepressants
and the rest is history. Cheer Bear never looked back and never looked sad again.
Friend Bear- This little bitch rocks two gay smiling intertwined flowers on her potbelly. She plays it off like shes everyone's best friend and thinks she knows all there is to know about being a good friend. Well I watched the DVD special bonus feature titled: Friend Bears Diary. She delves into realms of darkness that would make the most seasoned sadist cringe. This two faced little slut, starts telling all sorts of the other bear's deepest darkest secrets. Then goes onto admit that she slept with almost all the male bears including Cheer Bear. She also admits to having countless abortions, which she quickly turned into a profit by packaging them up and calling them "gummy bears". I won't reveal anymore, you'll have to get the DVD to find out the rest.
Funshine Bear- He actually is mentally retarded, hes got a queer giant smiling sun on his breadbasket. He is always playing jokes on everyone in the bunch but to be honest everyone in the group just goes along with it to entertain his retardation. He may possibly be the only bear that survived the gummy abortion and lived.
Good Luck Bear- Plain and simple, he is a drunk Irish bear. I mean the signs are in plain view. A green four leaf clover on his bay window. He supposedly spreads good luck to everyone. The truth of the matter is, he doesn't spread good luck he just has extremely bad luck that everyone around him feels like they have better luck then him. I mean I would too if I were picked on four DUI's (the symbolism of the four leaf clover reveals itself) in one night, then become the sole cause of the Irish Potato Famine, and get deported all in one night. Anyone's luck would seem "good" compared to this douches.
Grumpy Bear- By far my favorite choice, this sourpuss has a wicked tat of a raincloud with hearts being shat out on his solar plexus. He was a sailor back in the Care Bear War of 1960. so he has seen bloodshed which would turn the likes of you or me green. Not to mention the crew he has to deal with who are always ragging on him for being a grump. I don't blame him, just because you don't feel like putting up with others people's shit all the time you are then deemed a "grump". Eff that noise, I'm with him all the way. I mean he is a GOD DAMN veteran which he is never thanked for, or shown any sort of appreciation. Without Grumpy Bear those other fags would not have the freedom to run around and be all stupid and gay. He needs to get some props once in a while, and get him a clean Care Bear Hooker.
Love-a-Lot Bear - another bear who got messed up on the drugs. She has two intertwined hearts on her bosom. She likes to spread love and help any where she goes and I've got the inside scoop. She was hanging out with Birthday Bear one night, they got their hands on some X and she never was never normal since. She is all touchy feely with the rest of the group. She is always offering to help because she needs money. Which she then uses to fund her silly ass addiction to bottled water to keep her hydrated.
Tenderheart Bear- He's the Dr. Phil of the group, hes got a big red heart with a pink outline on his midsection. He walks around with his head up his ass trying to sort out everyone's feelings. He claims to have a PHD, but when I checked I don't remember any Care Bears being allowed into colleges. This guy gets my goat, because he is a know it all. He needs a swift kick to the ass if you ask me, and I think Grumpy Bear should be the one to do so.
Wish Bear - here is the step-mom of the bunch, this little scum bag has a skanky shooting start on her pelvis. She walks around granting wishes (promises) to all the other Care Bears. She has a "wishing star" whom she is best friends with, Twinkers. Most of her wishes never come true and the others are usually devastated when they find out the truth. The several wishes that do come true only happen because she is a trust fund baby and she only allows wishes that she can gain something from.
Well there you have it Blogstar, I know I went a little in depth on the Care Bears, but I thought is was necessary. Until next time my bud.
How you doing as always I have to apologize for my lack of love I have showed you. Been a lazy couple of weeks and a hectic couple of weeks. So I'm going to jump right into this.
Being born in the late 80's, I was not the proverbial "Child Of The 80's". So it goes without saying I caught the ass end of the 80's cartoons. Which I am glad I did because I got hooked on my favorite cartoon of all time. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. In case you were wondering we are all the same age, 1987 baby! With that being said I started to examine cartoons and TV shows from the 80's. Now I know most people who created all these shows were most likely cracked out, strung out, tweeked out, high on downers, or down on uppers. So what I discovered is nothing new but I figured I would share my findings after all.
Yogi and Boo were bears, nothing strange about that, but the fact that they wore neck ties and no pants just kind of put me off and how is that allowed on television and not considered porn.
The Smurfs seem to be little piles of blue poo that walked around, if you think I am exaggerating think about the fact that they lived in mushrooms, and what grows out of shit......that's right MUSHROOMS!!!!! I mean at least the animators had enough sense to put some pants on them. Lets take a gander at the Smurfs nemesis Gargamel. He thought he was a wizard, and spent most of his time trying to conjure up ways to capture and eat the smurfs. Which we have already established are a form of blue fecal matter. So this guy who thinks he is a wizard spends his days trying to eat blue doo doo. Sound like someone who is locked up in prison right now.......yea your right he does sorta sound a bit like Charles Manson.
Care Bears, now lets think about this, little puffy bears runny around with magical tattoos on their bloated little bellies. That is a great message to send to kids. " Hey kids you want to spread care and have special powers? Go get you a tat on your stomach." No wonder so many "children of the 80's" have stupid tattoos.
Each one with thier own little dark and deviant persona:
Bedtime Bear- He's got a 1/4 moon on his beer gut and he helps put everyone to sleep, sounds like this guy is going around slipping roofies into every ones drinks and then having his way with them.
Birthday Bear- this little fat ass has a cupcake on his front porch. He is the junkie of the bunch, he loves birthdays and has a severe addiction to birthday cake and cupcakes. Its a wonder why kids these days have such a weight problem. If a cute cuddly little bear can wolf down sugar batter and not lose a leg to Type I Diabetes, then my kid can too said the parent who was once a child of the 80's.
Cheer Bear- this is one that confuses me as much as "her" gender confuses her. She rocks a Rainbow on her baby bump. Her back story is that of any New Yorker Junkie Transvestite. She was once a he ( now the Rainbow makes sense) and got unhappy having a schlong, he thought he would try feeling pretty. So it up and decided to chop it off. Only the plastic surgeon mixed up its hormone pills with antidepressants
and the rest is history. Cheer Bear never looked back and never looked sad again.
Friend Bear- This little bitch rocks two gay smiling intertwined flowers on her potbelly. She plays it off like shes everyone's best friend and thinks she knows all there is to know about being a good friend. Well I watched the DVD special bonus feature titled: Friend Bears Diary. She delves into realms of darkness that would make the most seasoned sadist cringe. This two faced little slut, starts telling all sorts of the other bear's deepest darkest secrets. Then goes onto admit that she slept with almost all the male bears including Cheer Bear. She also admits to having countless abortions, which she quickly turned into a profit by packaging them up and calling them "gummy bears". I won't reveal anymore, you'll have to get the DVD to find out the rest.
Funshine Bear- He actually is mentally retarded, hes got a queer giant smiling sun on his breadbasket. He is always playing jokes on everyone in the bunch but to be honest everyone in the group just goes along with it to entertain his retardation. He may possibly be the only bear that survived the gummy abortion and lived.
Good Luck Bear- Plain and simple, he is a drunk Irish bear. I mean the signs are in plain view. A green four leaf clover on his bay window. He supposedly spreads good luck to everyone. The truth of the matter is, he doesn't spread good luck he just has extremely bad luck that everyone around him feels like they have better luck then him. I mean I would too if I were picked on four DUI's (the symbolism of the four leaf clover reveals itself) in one night, then become the sole cause of the Irish Potato Famine, and get deported all in one night. Anyone's luck would seem "good" compared to this douches.
Grumpy Bear- By far my favorite choice, this sourpuss has a wicked tat of a raincloud with hearts being shat out on his solar plexus. He was a sailor back in the Care Bear War of 1960. so he has seen bloodshed which would turn the likes of you or me green. Not to mention the crew he has to deal with who are always ragging on him for being a grump. I don't blame him, just because you don't feel like putting up with others people's shit all the time you are then deemed a "grump". Eff that noise, I'm with him all the way. I mean he is a GOD DAMN veteran which he is never thanked for, or shown any sort of appreciation. Without Grumpy Bear those other fags would not have the freedom to run around and be all stupid and gay. He needs to get some props once in a while, and get him a clean Care Bear Hooker.
Love-a-Lot Bear - another bear who got messed up on the drugs. She has two intertwined hearts on her bosom. She likes to spread love and help any where she goes and I've got the inside scoop. She was hanging out with Birthday Bear one night, they got their hands on some X and she never was never normal since. She is all touchy feely with the rest of the group. She is always offering to help because she needs money. Which she then uses to fund her silly ass addiction to bottled water to keep her hydrated.
Tenderheart Bear- He's the Dr. Phil of the group, hes got a big red heart with a pink outline on his midsection. He walks around with his head up his ass trying to sort out everyone's feelings. He claims to have a PHD, but when I checked I don't remember any Care Bears being allowed into colleges. This guy gets my goat, because he is a know it all. He needs a swift kick to the ass if you ask me, and I think Grumpy Bear should be the one to do so.
Wish Bear - here is the step-mom of the bunch, this little scum bag has a skanky shooting start on her pelvis. She walks around granting wishes (promises) to all the other Care Bears. She has a "wishing star" whom she is best friends with, Twinkers. Most of her wishes never come true and the others are usually devastated when they find out the truth. The several wishes that do come true only happen because she is a trust fund baby and she only allows wishes that she can gain something from.
Well there you have it Blogstar, I know I went a little in depth on the Care Bears, but I thought is was necessary. Until next time my bud.
Sunday, March 14, 2010
How does it all tie together?
Blog Dude,
Hey buddy crazy scary night last night, I had a dream I was on death-row for an unknown crime. I was sentenced to the electric chair and I had made peace that this was going to be my end. As they walked me to the chair, I could not get my conscience clear, and they zapped me. Then they zapped me again and my dream went blank. Thats all I remember.
Dream Moods says to dream of death:
To dream about the death of a loved one, suggests that you are lacking a certain aspect or quality that the loved one embodies. Ask yourself what makes this person special or what do you like about him. It is that very quality that you are lacking in your own relationship or circumstances. Alternatively, it indicates that whatever that person represents has no part in your own life.
and to die:
To dream that you die in your dream, symbolizes inner changes, transformation, self-discovery and positive development that is happening within you or in your life. Although such a dreams may bring about feelings of fear and anxiety, it is no cause for alarm and is often considered a positive symbol. Dreams of experiencing your own death usually means that big changes are ahead for you. You are moving on to new beginnings and leaving the past behind. These changes does not necessarily imply a negative turn of events. Metaphorically, dying can be seen as an end or a termination to your old ways and habits. So, dying does not always mean a physical death, but an ending of something.
On a negative note, to dream that you die may represent involvement in deeply painful relationships or unhealthy, destructive behaviors. You may feeling depressed or feel strangled by a situation or person in your waking life. Perhaps your mind is preoccupied with someone who is terminally ill or dying. Alternatively, you may be trying to get out of some obligation, responsibility or other situation.
Prison:
To dream that you are in prison, indicates that you are being censored and not allowed to express yourself.�You feel that your creativity is being limited.
Electrocution:
To dream of an electrocution, signifies that the current course of your actions will lead to disaster, even death. You need to be more aware of your surroundings and those around you.
And finally black ( for when my dream went blank and black)
Black symbolizes the unknown, unconscious, danger, mystery, darkness, death, mourning, hate or malice.
If the feeling in the dream is one of joy, blackness could imply hidden spirituality and divine qualities.
I did emptiness for good measure.
Emptiness
To dream of emptiness, suggests that there is something missing or lacking in your life. It symbolizes fruitless labor, an emotional void, or loneliness. There is nothing to show for all the effort that you have dedicated to a project or relationship. In particular, to dream that a container is empty, then it represents optimism.
So I need to take a look at all these things and figure out what they all mean.
Hey buddy crazy scary night last night, I had a dream I was on death-row for an unknown crime. I was sentenced to the electric chair and I had made peace that this was going to be my end. As they walked me to the chair, I could not get my conscience clear, and they zapped me. Then they zapped me again and my dream went blank. Thats all I remember.
Dream Moods says to dream of death:
To dream about the death of a loved one, suggests that you are lacking a certain aspect or quality that the loved one embodies. Ask yourself what makes this person special or what do you like about him. It is that very quality that you are lacking in your own relationship or circumstances. Alternatively, it indicates that whatever that person represents has no part in your own life.
and to die:
To dream that you die in your dream, symbolizes inner changes, transformation, self-discovery and positive development that is happening within you or in your life. Although such a dreams may bring about feelings of fear and anxiety, it is no cause for alarm and is often considered a positive symbol. Dreams of experiencing your own death usually means that big changes are ahead for you. You are moving on to new beginnings and leaving the past behind. These changes does not necessarily imply a negative turn of events. Metaphorically, dying can be seen as an end or a termination to your old ways and habits. So, dying does not always mean a physical death, but an ending of something.
On a negative note, to dream that you die may represent involvement in deeply painful relationships or unhealthy, destructive behaviors. You may feeling depressed or feel strangled by a situation or person in your waking life. Perhaps your mind is preoccupied with someone who is terminally ill or dying. Alternatively, you may be trying to get out of some obligation, responsibility or other situation.
Prison:
To dream that you are in prison, indicates that you are being censored and not allowed to express yourself.�You feel that your creativity is being limited.
Electrocution:
To dream of an electrocution, signifies that the current course of your actions will lead to disaster, even death. You need to be more aware of your surroundings and those around you.
And finally black ( for when my dream went blank and black)
Black symbolizes the unknown, unconscious, danger, mystery, darkness, death, mourning, hate or malice.
If the feeling in the dream is one of joy, blackness could imply hidden spirituality and divine qualities.
I did emptiness for good measure.
Emptiness
To dream of emptiness, suggests that there is something missing or lacking in your life. It symbolizes fruitless labor, an emotional void, or loneliness. There is nothing to show for all the effort that you have dedicated to a project or relationship. In particular, to dream that a container is empty, then it represents optimism.
So I need to take a look at all these things and figure out what they all mean.
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
Same Forwards as It Is sdrawroF emaS
Sup Blog Sport,
So I got to thinking with all these award shows and what not going on. Acting is the imitation of life.......and those who imitate life the best are given awards.......so why are we not given awards in life for living?
Thats all I have for you today just a nice meaty thinking for you to chew on for a bit.
PEACTRON
So I got to thinking with all these award shows and what not going on. Acting is the imitation of life.......and those who imitate life the best are given awards.......so why are we not given awards in life for living?
Thats all I have for you today just a nice meaty thinking for you to chew on for a bit.
PEACTRON
Sunday, February 28, 2010
Mustaching Amist
Blog boy,
A quick one for ya tonight.
Been watching a lot of Newsradio lately. Old school Andy Dick, Dave Foley, Stephen Root, Joe Rogan, Phil Hartman, and Maura Tierney (best known for the mom from Liar Liar) also highly sexy might I add. Can't get enough of this show.
Also March Mustache Madness starts tomorrow! Not gonna bitch out this year I promise you. More updates later
PEace
A quick one for ya tonight.
Been watching a lot of Newsradio lately. Old school Andy Dick, Dave Foley, Stephen Root, Joe Rogan, Phil Hartman, and Maura Tierney (best known for the mom from Liar Liar) also highly sexy might I add. Can't get enough of this show.
Also March Mustache Madness starts tomorrow! Not gonna bitch out this year I promise you. More updates later
PEace
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
Letters You'll Never Read #1
So blogbaby been some time again. I know I am like a horrible father who only pays you love and shows my affection like once in a blue moon. But lets face it at least I don't treat you like a redheaded stepchild. So here is the deal, I was going through my journal from yesteryear and thought it would be fun to spill some of my deeper rooted, or rather what I thought were my deeper rooted emotions back in the day. Turns out they were really just things that I could not grasp onto as an adult and it makes me look like a whiny bitch. This particular peace comes from an entry I like to call Letters You'll Never Read. To sum it up all these letters were wrote with the intention of sending them off to a special someone. However they never made it that far and now. The first installment of Letters You'll Never Read.
Your right, it has been a long awhile. I've had a a lot on my mind I wish I could say I've been better. I wanted to try and write this without using my emotion. That seems to have failed, this is my second draft and I've gone from using my reasoning and logic. To being swayed by my emotions. I wanted to write this without thinking about you and the future.....FAILED again. The only time I can seem to clear my head is the hour I have when I listen to the new O.A.R. album. I know what your thinking " same song and dance nic, i've heard all this from you before"
If I could just ask for you to hear me out. I had to write this on paper a second time because looking at your picture while I write it on the comp is just too hard for me to say what I want to you. I've already proved to myself that writing this is a big emotional risk for me.
Your right, it has been a long awhile. I've had a a lot on my mind I wish I could say I've been better. I wanted to try and write this without using my emotion. That seems to have failed, this is my second draft and I've gone from using my reasoning and logic. To being swayed by my emotions. I wanted to write this without thinking about you and the future.....FAILED again. The only time I can seem to clear my head is the hour I have when I listen to the new O.A.R. album. I know what your thinking " same song and dance nic, i've heard all this from you before"
If I could just ask for you to hear me out. I had to write this on paper a second time because looking at your picture while I write it on the comp is just too hard for me to say what I want to you. I've already proved to myself that writing this is a big emotional risk for me.
Sunday, February 7, 2010
The Stork Is Alwas To Blame, No Matter What Your Parents Told You
Blogger Face,
Hey man its been a long while since I graced your digital canvass with my words. Its been quite the trip to today too. First the weather outside has been frightful and even though I am an expert on driving on bad road conditions, I am scared shitless to drive in this effin state with the abilities of all the other drivers out there. So I have been a bit of a shut in this last week. Until this weekend rolled around, and I have been to Timbock Too and back. Just been a helluva weekend and funny thing is, alcohol was at a minimum. But such is life you have to ride the wave and some of them are monsters with huge pipes that can be vicious. So I have given myself a thin time line to get my ass up on that stage under those hot bright lights. I have been being that of a little bitch lately when its come to something I love. You know of course I am talking about the stand-up. I should have been doing stand up for the last 5 months now, but I have bitched out and been flaking out on myself for that time. Hiding behind the excuse that "I can not figure out how to write a joke". When the reality of the situation is, as much as I hate to admit it, my fear of rejection.
Today I had lunch with a high school friend and it was so great. To catch up and actually not be in Wisconsin when it happened.
Isn't it funny when you see someone who is pregnant, and you look at them and it clicks in your head that they had to have sex to get pregnant. Don't act like you have not taken that mental double take before. Like everyone who is over the age of 10 knows how people get pregnant. But for most people it never registers right away that the act of coitus has taken place and that little baby hump is the result. I find it absurd that I have actually looked at a pregnant woman and not instantly realized that sex was involved in the process, but whats more is that the thought of sex is actually an after thought haha.
Well blogger pants I just thought I would fill you in with that nonsense and make you fee like I still loved you, cuz lord knows I do.
PEACE
Hey man its been a long while since I graced your digital canvass with my words. Its been quite the trip to today too. First the weather outside has been frightful and even though I am an expert on driving on bad road conditions, I am scared shitless to drive in this effin state with the abilities of all the other drivers out there. So I have been a bit of a shut in this last week. Until this weekend rolled around, and I have been to Timbock Too and back. Just been a helluva weekend and funny thing is, alcohol was at a minimum. But such is life you have to ride the wave and some of them are monsters with huge pipes that can be vicious. So I have given myself a thin time line to get my ass up on that stage under those hot bright lights. I have been being that of a little bitch lately when its come to something I love. You know of course I am talking about the stand-up. I should have been doing stand up for the last 5 months now, but I have bitched out and been flaking out on myself for that time. Hiding behind the excuse that "I can not figure out how to write a joke". When the reality of the situation is, as much as I hate to admit it, my fear of rejection.
Today I had lunch with a high school friend and it was so great. To catch up and actually not be in Wisconsin when it happened.
Isn't it funny when you see someone who is pregnant, and you look at them and it clicks in your head that they had to have sex to get pregnant. Don't act like you have not taken that mental double take before. Like everyone who is over the age of 10 knows how people get pregnant. But for most people it never registers right away that the act of coitus has taken place and that little baby hump is the result. I find it absurd that I have actually looked at a pregnant woman and not instantly realized that sex was involved in the process, but whats more is that the thought of sex is actually an after thought haha.
Well blogger pants I just thought I would fill you in with that nonsense and make you fee like I still loved you, cuz lord knows I do.
PEACE
Saturday, January 30, 2010
Moon Stomping
Blogger Buddy,
It has been far too long since I have talked to you. Well lest have a little recap shall we. So In the last week, I have woke up and gone to work, then came home with the intention of sitting down and writing some stand up. However, what ended up happening was going home from work and sitting on my ass playing Call Of Duty ALL FUCKING NIGHT! Can't say I am happy with myself on that one. However Thursday night I did set out to piss someone on Xbox live and I sure as shit did. The best line of the night was the gamer thought he was being clever by calling me an ass pirate. I reciprocated by letting him know that I was no such thing, but rather I was an ass ninja. I guess that was too much for him cuz he shut up and left me alone after that.I did manage to start smoking again, so that is not anything I am too happy about.
So as I am writing this I am trapped inside my best friends house in Richmond, Va. We are snowed in, I already tried to go to the store and my car got 6 ft and that was it. We went out in downtown Richmond last night, and me being the hard headed guy I am and refuse to buy drinks from the bar. I decided to pregame and get drunk before we went out. Well getting drunk got accomplished and then some. Needless to say by the time we got to the bar I was PISSED. So naturally the bar did not serve me. Would not have mattered though I left my check card at the house my drunk mind had figured out some other way to get the payment I would have needed. So any way I ended up accidentally punching a good friends younger cousin in the eye. It would not have been so bad even she knew it was an complete freak accident however when I was privately texting my sister the recap of the evening I quote "I love you, and I punched some bitch in the eye".
She got all butt hurt cuz I used the word bitch. Seriously calm the eff down and get over yourself. So much more happened over the weekend but I am really tired maybe I'll pick it up tom and fill you in.
It has been far too long since I have talked to you. Well lest have a little recap shall we. So In the last week, I have woke up and gone to work, then came home with the intention of sitting down and writing some stand up. However, what ended up happening was going home from work and sitting on my ass playing Call Of Duty ALL FUCKING NIGHT! Can't say I am happy with myself on that one. However Thursday night I did set out to piss someone on Xbox live and I sure as shit did. The best line of the night was the gamer thought he was being clever by calling me an ass pirate. I reciprocated by letting him know that I was no such thing, but rather I was an ass ninja. I guess that was too much for him cuz he shut up and left me alone after that.I did manage to start smoking again, so that is not anything I am too happy about.
So as I am writing this I am trapped inside my best friends house in Richmond, Va. We are snowed in, I already tried to go to the store and my car got 6 ft and that was it. We went out in downtown Richmond last night, and me being the hard headed guy I am and refuse to buy drinks from the bar. I decided to pregame and get drunk before we went out. Well getting drunk got accomplished and then some. Needless to say by the time we got to the bar I was PISSED. So naturally the bar did not serve me. Would not have mattered though I left my check card at the house my drunk mind had figured out some other way to get the payment I would have needed. So any way I ended up accidentally punching a good friends younger cousin in the eye. It would not have been so bad even she knew it was an complete freak accident however when I was privately texting my sister the recap of the evening I quote "I love you, and I punched some bitch in the eye".
She got all butt hurt cuz I used the word bitch. Seriously calm the eff down and get over yourself. So much more happened over the weekend but I am really tired maybe I'll pick it up tom and fill you in.
Saturday, January 23, 2010
Dog Calls and Guidos
Hey there blog fella,
Damn its been a while since I showed you any love. Prolly due to the influx of porn on my laptop which would have caused it to crash which in turn would have lead to me having to get it fixed which brings me to you at such a late date and from a computer that is not mine. So things are swell right now. I guess all I can really say is nothing extremely bad has happened. ( you ever get in a writing situation where you can't or don't know how to spell a word? that shit happens to me all the time. like just now when I was trying to write the word major-ly, which I am not sure if it is or is not a word. But even spell check can not pick it up so instead I used extremely cuz i know how to spell that. I find myself in those situations all the time).
Anywhobop been hearing way toooooooo much about this fucking retarded show MTV has put into their line up, and most of there shows make me want to gag these days. But I have found a show that makes me want to gag, choke on my own vomit, slit my wrists while I am choking on that vomit, and pull out each one the hairs on my head. Thats right you guessed it bud, the Jersey Shore who gave these fucking retards a show to begin with, it is like watching monkeys at the fucking zoo. I swear to god I did not know what a "Guido" was before I heard about this show, and now I don't ever want to hear that fucking word again I swear to Buddha. This show is an embarrassment to the entire human race. I know for a fact that Jersey is not like that in any light, but there are those types of fucking people out there and we need to put them on a fucking island and hope a Hurricane Katrina hits that island and do the entire human race a favor. That might be a little mean and a little hard for you to swallow blogger but tis the truth. We need to help natural selection out a wee bit on this one cuz I think she missed these fucks with her fine tooth comb.
Next up I would like to talk to a bit about me pops. My father is the strongest most gentlest man I know. He was the first person to introduce me to comedy. When I was about three years old he used to walk around at night before I went to bed with me on his shoulders and go around and use a high pitched voice and have everything in the house say good night to me. That is one of the best memories I have from yesteryear of my pops and I. I love him to death.
This story that follows is a true story and its just my dad's sense of humor so I never saw anything wrong with it at all. My dad is an avid bird hunter, he uses dogs for bird hunting primarily English Pointers, and when your hunting with dogs there is a certain rhetoric you have to use in the woods when calling them. The dog needs to know where you are at so you have to yell with your voice in a sort of fashion like this: "Hereyaare -dogs name- (mind you thats one whole word), herehereherehere, earyaare" and it sort of has a musical ring to it after a while. I have been on plenty of hunting outings with my father so I had gotten very used to his dog calls. Well after several years of this my dad, decided to try something new out. We were at the K-Mart one day my sister and I and my dad. He had asked the two of us to run and grab something from the other side of the store. After several minutes of trying to find this completely bullshit item my sister and I hear
" NIC! SAM! HEARYAARE, COMEAROUNDHERE, HEREHEREHERE"
and he kept this shit up for about 5 minutes. Finally embarrassed as all get out my sister and I walked back to him.
The next time he tried this I was ready for him, as soon as i heard him trying this crap I ran to the pet section of the store we were at grabbed a dog collar and put it on then got down on all fours and ran back to him. He was not ready for that, and it sure was the last time he tried that crap. Hehe I love my dad haha.
Damn its been a while since I showed you any love. Prolly due to the influx of porn on my laptop which would have caused it to crash which in turn would have lead to me having to get it fixed which brings me to you at such a late date and from a computer that is not mine. So things are swell right now. I guess all I can really say is nothing extremely bad has happened. ( you ever get in a writing situation where you can't or don't know how to spell a word? that shit happens to me all the time. like just now when I was trying to write the word major-ly, which I am not sure if it is or is not a word. But even spell check can not pick it up so instead I used extremely cuz i know how to spell that. I find myself in those situations all the time).
Anywhobop been hearing way toooooooo much about this fucking retarded show MTV has put into their line up, and most of there shows make me want to gag these days. But I have found a show that makes me want to gag, choke on my own vomit, slit my wrists while I am choking on that vomit, and pull out each one the hairs on my head. Thats right you guessed it bud, the Jersey Shore who gave these fucking retards a show to begin with, it is like watching monkeys at the fucking zoo. I swear to god I did not know what a "Guido" was before I heard about this show, and now I don't ever want to hear that fucking word again I swear to Buddha. This show is an embarrassment to the entire human race. I know for a fact that Jersey is not like that in any light, but there are those types of fucking people out there and we need to put them on a fucking island and hope a Hurricane Katrina hits that island and do the entire human race a favor. That might be a little mean and a little hard for you to swallow blogger but tis the truth. We need to help natural selection out a wee bit on this one cuz I think she missed these fucks with her fine tooth comb.
Next up I would like to talk to a bit about me pops. My father is the strongest most gentlest man I know. He was the first person to introduce me to comedy. When I was about three years old he used to walk around at night before I went to bed with me on his shoulders and go around and use a high pitched voice and have everything in the house say good night to me. That is one of the best memories I have from yesteryear of my pops and I. I love him to death.
This story that follows is a true story and its just my dad's sense of humor so I never saw anything wrong with it at all. My dad is an avid bird hunter, he uses dogs for bird hunting primarily English Pointers, and when your hunting with dogs there is a certain rhetoric you have to use in the woods when calling them. The dog needs to know where you are at so you have to yell with your voice in a sort of fashion like this: "Hereyaare -dogs name- (mind you thats one whole word), herehereherehere, earyaare" and it sort of has a musical ring to it after a while. I have been on plenty of hunting outings with my father so I had gotten very used to his dog calls. Well after several years of this my dad, decided to try something new out. We were at the K-Mart one day my sister and I and my dad. He had asked the two of us to run and grab something from the other side of the store. After several minutes of trying to find this completely bullshit item my sister and I hear
" NIC! SAM! HEARYAARE, COMEAROUNDHERE, HEREHEREHERE"
and he kept this shit up for about 5 minutes. Finally embarrassed as all get out my sister and I walked back to him.
The next time he tried this I was ready for him, as soon as i heard him trying this crap I ran to the pet section of the store we were at grabbed a dog collar and put it on then got down on all fours and ran back to him. He was not ready for that, and it sure was the last time he tried that crap. Hehe I love my dad haha.
Monday, January 18, 2010
Shit or Get Off The Pot..........Wait I can't I'm Typing This Blog On The Pot.
Good Evening Blog Fella,
How have you been, I know its been a couple days since I said hi. I just wanted to let you know I won't for get about you.
Let me catch you up to speed, right now I am taking a twosie and typing on the laptop ( might I mention that I LOVE TECHNOLOGY ) also I am listening to The B52's. So lets see. I "STOLE" the recipe for a really good veggie wrap from Tropical Smoothie and made it at home. Turned out way better than the one I had yesterday at the actual store. I had a long ass drive home from Richmond the other day and that was nice cuz I was able to turn my brain off. I discovered something about myself earlier this year. When I listen to techno, trance, trip hop, and/or anything sythesized or bass heavy I am able to do one of two things. Focus intensly on what I am doing or two turn my brain off completely and go into a " trance " like state. ( prolly why its called that ). So I jammed to some trance all the way home and it was nice to just turn off the brain and not have anything in there for a while. A personal reboot if you will.
So today was MILK DAY, or for those of you who want to be politically correct, MLK Day. So I had off and played Modern Warfare ALL day. I actually went and paid the 60 bucks for it rather than borrow it from my roomie. Then went to the pool with Travis so I could actually feel like I did something and we got there at 615 turns out that the gym closed at 7, and the pool closes at 645 on MLK day. So i got a lil swim in nothing major but a decent one. Then came back had another bomb ass veggie wrap and played some more MWF2 and am about to call it a night there lil buddy. Sorry I have nothing too crazy to tell ya tonight. I just thought I would hit ya up with a lil bit of news from the weekend but I have nothing . So i'll catch ya later brosef.
PEACE
How have you been, I know its been a couple days since I said hi. I just wanted to let you know I won't for get about you.
Let me catch you up to speed, right now I am taking a twosie and typing on the laptop ( might I mention that I LOVE TECHNOLOGY ) also I am listening to The B52's. So lets see. I "STOLE" the recipe for a really good veggie wrap from Tropical Smoothie and made it at home. Turned out way better than the one I had yesterday at the actual store. I had a long ass drive home from Richmond the other day and that was nice cuz I was able to turn my brain off. I discovered something about myself earlier this year. When I listen to techno, trance, trip hop, and/or anything sythesized or bass heavy I am able to do one of two things. Focus intensly on what I am doing or two turn my brain off completely and go into a " trance " like state. ( prolly why its called that ). So I jammed to some trance all the way home and it was nice to just turn off the brain and not have anything in there for a while. A personal reboot if you will.
So today was MILK DAY, or for those of you who want to be politically correct, MLK Day. So I had off and played Modern Warfare ALL day. I actually went and paid the 60 bucks for it rather than borrow it from my roomie. Then went to the pool with Travis so I could actually feel like I did something and we got there at 615 turns out that the gym closed at 7, and the pool closes at 645 on MLK day. So i got a lil swim in nothing major but a decent one. Then came back had another bomb ass veggie wrap and played some more MWF2 and am about to call it a night there lil buddy. Sorry I have nothing too crazy to tell ya tonight. I just thought I would hit ya up with a lil bit of news from the weekend but I have nothing . So i'll catch ya later brosef.
PEACE
Friday, January 15, 2010
Chapters Of Music
Hey Blogger Pal,
How you doing friend, I'm sitting up here in Richmond after a long day of stuff. I call it stuff cuz it really was nothing rather important. Backed up some files at work, looked at new places to live, drove the hour and a half to Richmond though shitty traffic. I just needed a little break away from the hustle and bustle of the Navy. Its funny that you would think I could escape the hustle and bustle of one city by going to another city. Your right you cant. I am mad at myself and we are not talking right now. I was suppose to take myself on on a date tonight to see Ryan Montbleu play in Ashland Va tonight, and instead I bailed on myself and ditched out. So I am sitting in my buddy's room waiting for him to get back from his date, sipping on some Sunset Wheat.
So what can we think about, talk about, chat about?
I am actually using my lap top right in my lap rather than on my desk as a desktop haha.
Not much really to report my dear, wish I had something to drag on about but I don't. I am really just looking forward to the future. I am ready to get a start on this new chapter in my life. Because out of all the other chapters I have lived I feel this upcoming one is going to be the most productive, and eventful of my entire life and I am ready to take it on. Just gotta keep my eyes on that horizon even though at times it seems like that horizon will never reach my feet, I can not let that thought overpower my mind. Cuz I know that one day soon my feet are going to hit that ground running.
Sorry about the long pause even though it did not find its way into the text form. I just sat here for the last 20 mins watching Mayer Hawthorne videos. He is a new artist I have been getting into hes from just outside Detroit. He has a very motown feel to his stuff then at the same time he mixes in the new hip hop style I really dig his shit and I think you need to check him out.
How you doing friend, I'm sitting up here in Richmond after a long day of stuff. I call it stuff cuz it really was nothing rather important. Backed up some files at work, looked at new places to live, drove the hour and a half to Richmond though shitty traffic. I just needed a little break away from the hustle and bustle of the Navy. Its funny that you would think I could escape the hustle and bustle of one city by going to another city. Your right you cant. I am mad at myself and we are not talking right now. I was suppose to take myself on on a date tonight to see Ryan Montbleu play in Ashland Va tonight, and instead I bailed on myself and ditched out. So I am sitting in my buddy's room waiting for him to get back from his date, sipping on some Sunset Wheat.
So what can we think about, talk about, chat about?
I am actually using my lap top right in my lap rather than on my desk as a desktop haha.
Not much really to report my dear, wish I had something to drag on about but I don't. I am really just looking forward to the future. I am ready to get a start on this new chapter in my life. Because out of all the other chapters I have lived I feel this upcoming one is going to be the most productive, and eventful of my entire life and I am ready to take it on. Just gotta keep my eyes on that horizon even though at times it seems like that horizon will never reach my feet, I can not let that thought overpower my mind. Cuz I know that one day soon my feet are going to hit that ground running.
Sorry about the long pause even though it did not find its way into the text form. I just sat here for the last 20 mins watching Mayer Hawthorne videos. He is a new artist I have been getting into hes from just outside Detroit. He has a very motown feel to his stuff then at the same time he mixes in the new hip hop style I really dig his shit and I think you need to check him out.
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
The Scent Of Sexiness
Blog Pal,
I have such a long standing love hate relationship with sleep, when I try to go to bed early I end up waking up in the middle of the night ( like now). Or if I go to bed too late I get all paranoid that I will will not wake up in time and I'll miss the alarm, so my sleep is not constant and I wake up every half an hour until my alarm.
So tonight I decided that I was going to fall asleep at a very early time of 7:30 while I watched an episode of Survivor Man. I got woke up by a phone call at 9:15pm so needless to say that two hours of sleep just gave me a power boost and now I am up writing this blog instead of sleeping like I want to be. ( not that I don't love you blogger, I just wish I was sleeping instead of typing away at the keyboard).
So, there is something I feel that needs to be said, something very riveting. As most of you may not know at this point, I have been tanning due to a medical condition known as psoriasis. The dermatologist suggested I start getting more sun and since it is the middle of January tanning was the best bet. Not to mention even if it were the summer time I hate the beach and I don't have what the general public would describe as a "beach body". So therefore tanning is the best bet for a person like me. It can me feel and seem vain while at the same time healthy and sexy. So it really is a win-win. So back to the story at hand. Now I am going to assume that YOU know what its like when you tan Blogger cuz you are like the coolest person I know and all cool and sexy people tan these days. But for the other un-sexy public I want to paint a bit of a picture into the world of the tanning salon before I break down and admit my personal failure.
You enter into a small and quaint little boutique, most of the time there is a woman who looks as thought she should be leather face's bride. The skin on these women rival the leather quality of most cattle. They plug your name into a computer and figure out where you need to tan. Now you can use the "super" beds or sometimes known as the "max" beds. Not the only way your going to want to use these are if you want to feel like a french fry being dipped into a vat of hot oil. No save you money and use the regular economy beds like the rest of the public. Now this is me, but I don't really know the etiquette when it comes to being in the tanning booth. I am not sure if dudes are suppose to tan naked or if your suppose to leave your unmentionables on? I have never taken it upon myself to stick my head out of the booth and ask if I need to leave them on or if they can come off. Now don't get me wrong the thought to ask has crossed my head however I feel once that door is shut and locked Vegas Rules are in order. What goes on behind that closed door stays behind the closed door. So anyway then your left standing there butt naked if your like me, and you have the option to apply the lotion that you just paid 50$ for. We are not talking about the bottle either, no you just paid damn near half your allowance for a small SAMPLE of lotion. Anyway you have to apply it cuz leather face's bride told you it would make you tan (burn) easier.
Now we come to the tanning bed, how to describe this thing. Well I can say that I do know what the meat inside of a burrito feels like all toasty and warm. But physically what can I paint for you. Imagine that you have died, and now you are being placed into your coffin, but now all of a sudden your coffin is lit up super bright by super hot track lighting. These lights mind you are a good 2 inches from you face and you also laying on a bed of UV lights. You lay there as your entire body just heats up and you start to burn all over the place, but you paid for 15 mins of this and your getting your money's worth so don't pussy out. Your essentially giving yourself a body wide sunburn, and you paid for this remember.
Now that pretty much is the long and short of a visit to the tanning salon. Now onward with my little experience I had tanning yesterday. I went in to tan just like any normal day, I walked in, talked to the nice leathery clerk, got behind the closed door, got nakey and jumped into my bright ass hot ass coffin. Laying there relaxing to a little David Gray, I suddenly had the urge to let the butt trumpet play. However I could not simply just let one rip because two factors were in place here. 1) The bed I was in was right next to the front desk and as it is, in this particular tanning salon you can damn near hear someone whisper from room to room the walls are so thin. 2) There was plexi glass below my bum and and sort of trumpeting was going to rumble, bubble, and amplify throughout the salon. So I did the polite thing and just let it seep out little by little. As I have already mentioned it gets hot in this personal little hell of yours. The smell that started to seep into my nose was something my nostrils have ever sensed nor do I ever want them to smell again. At this point the smell was so bad it was a lethal odor of death and death's dirty laundry. The really bad part was, its the middle of January and its cold outside, I was rolled up all nice and cozy in this warm little glass burrito of mine and not really willing to consciously escape the smell. So...........I laid there, enduring the stench of this fart that had slowly seeped outta my ass like a bad gas leak.
Fortune Cookie Of The Day
If The Milk Man Brings Milk For Refreshment, and The Newsman Brings News To The Uniformed, Then Who Does The Good Fella Help Out?
I have such a long standing love hate relationship with sleep, when I try to go to bed early I end up waking up in the middle of the night ( like now). Or if I go to bed too late I get all paranoid that I will will not wake up in time and I'll miss the alarm, so my sleep is not constant and I wake up every half an hour until my alarm.
So tonight I decided that I was going to fall asleep at a very early time of 7:30 while I watched an episode of Survivor Man. I got woke up by a phone call at 9:15pm so needless to say that two hours of sleep just gave me a power boost and now I am up writing this blog instead of sleeping like I want to be. ( not that I don't love you blogger, I just wish I was sleeping instead of typing away at the keyboard).
So, there is something I feel that needs to be said, something very riveting. As most of you may not know at this point, I have been tanning due to a medical condition known as psoriasis. The dermatologist suggested I start getting more sun and since it is the middle of January tanning was the best bet. Not to mention even if it were the summer time I hate the beach and I don't have what the general public would describe as a "beach body". So therefore tanning is the best bet for a person like me. It can me feel and seem vain while at the same time healthy and sexy. So it really is a win-win. So back to the story at hand. Now I am going to assume that YOU know what its like when you tan Blogger cuz you are like the coolest person I know and all cool and sexy people tan these days. But for the other un-sexy public I want to paint a bit of a picture into the world of the tanning salon before I break down and admit my personal failure.
You enter into a small and quaint little boutique, most of the time there is a woman who looks as thought she should be leather face's bride. The skin on these women rival the leather quality of most cattle. They plug your name into a computer and figure out where you need to tan. Now you can use the "super" beds or sometimes known as the "max" beds. Not the only way your going to want to use these are if you want to feel like a french fry being dipped into a vat of hot oil. No save you money and use the regular economy beds like the rest of the public. Now this is me, but I don't really know the etiquette when it comes to being in the tanning booth. I am not sure if dudes are suppose to tan naked or if your suppose to leave your unmentionables on? I have never taken it upon myself to stick my head out of the booth and ask if I need to leave them on or if they can come off. Now don't get me wrong the thought to ask has crossed my head however I feel once that door is shut and locked Vegas Rules are in order. What goes on behind that closed door stays behind the closed door. So anyway then your left standing there butt naked if your like me, and you have the option to apply the lotion that you just paid 50$ for. We are not talking about the bottle either, no you just paid damn near half your allowance for a small SAMPLE of lotion. Anyway you have to apply it cuz leather face's bride told you it would make you tan (burn) easier.
Now we come to the tanning bed, how to describe this thing. Well I can say that I do know what the meat inside of a burrito feels like all toasty and warm. But physically what can I paint for you. Imagine that you have died, and now you are being placed into your coffin, but now all of a sudden your coffin is lit up super bright by super hot track lighting. These lights mind you are a good 2 inches from you face and you also laying on a bed of UV lights. You lay there as your entire body just heats up and you start to burn all over the place, but you paid for 15 mins of this and your getting your money's worth so don't pussy out. Your essentially giving yourself a body wide sunburn, and you paid for this remember.
Now that pretty much is the long and short of a visit to the tanning salon. Now onward with my little experience I had tanning yesterday. I went in to tan just like any normal day, I walked in, talked to the nice leathery clerk, got behind the closed door, got nakey and jumped into my bright ass hot ass coffin. Laying there relaxing to a little David Gray, I suddenly had the urge to let the butt trumpet play. However I could not simply just let one rip because two factors were in place here. 1) The bed I was in was right next to the front desk and as it is, in this particular tanning salon you can damn near hear someone whisper from room to room the walls are so thin. 2) There was plexi glass below my bum and and sort of trumpeting was going to rumble, bubble, and amplify throughout the salon. So I did the polite thing and just let it seep out little by little. As I have already mentioned it gets hot in this personal little hell of yours. The smell that started to seep into my nose was something my nostrils have ever sensed nor do I ever want them to smell again. At this point the smell was so bad it was a lethal odor of death and death's dirty laundry. The really bad part was, its the middle of January and its cold outside, I was rolled up all nice and cozy in this warm little glass burrito of mine and not really willing to consciously escape the smell. So...........I laid there, enduring the stench of this fart that had slowly seeped outta my ass like a bad gas leak.
Fortune Cookie Of The Day
If The Milk Man Brings Milk For Refreshment, and The Newsman Brings News To The Uniformed, Then Who Does The Good Fella Help Out?
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
8.5 Simple Steps To Not Reading A Book
BLOG BUDDDDDY!!!!
I know I left you a little unloved last night, been a weird couple of days all sorts of moody and I can't quite figure it out. Maybe its gas, ya know like back in the days of being an infant, when I was all cranky and jazz, then my grandmama would tell my mum that the reason was gas and all she had to do was gimme prune juice or something and I would get all loosened up and be all better. Where is that quick fix as an adult, I've tried farting, I've tried shitting, I've tried all the juices under the sun. I am just moody, can't figure it out.
Anyway, so I popped my trunk today and found three books in the back. Let me preface this whole paragraph with this little nugget. I have a very bad habit of starting a book that is really interesting and then getting bored with it halfway through and giving up on it or just forgetting about it all together. So anyway, I found three books in my trunk that I have started and only gotten about halfway through or less. They are:
Sigmund Freud's Interpretation Of Dream, A Book On Speed Reading, and a book on how to play and the history of the Didgeridoo. So instead of hunkering down and trying to finish these books I decided to write this blog about things I have been doing instead.
1. I went to work today and stared at my computer trying to bring myself to write my resume which has been looming over my head like a shitty shit storm cloud.
2.I talked to my sister on the phone for a good 45 minutes while at work. ( So that actually counts as two cuz not only was I not reading, I was also not working.)
3.Going Tanning and trying not to gag and the stench I had created by farting inside my tanning bed. ( BTW it was sum where in the range of wet dog hair that had scorched off the dogs back and a really really really rotten egg.)
3 1/2. Going to the gym and using the eliptical. Since its the only thing next to swimming I can do right now due to my knee. However I did the 30/30 program on it and got my ass kicked. ( 30/30 is 30 second sprint which on the eliptical is above 80 rpms, and then a 30 sec walk which is below 40 rpms. So I had that set for an hour and only made it to 13 minutes. Which also why this is awarded 3 1/2 spot.)
4. Playing Modern Warfare 2 with my neighbor, then quitting cuz the lag was really pissing me off.
5. Making a tuna sandwhich and eating it. ( Surprisingly out of the whole day thus far its only 6 pm right now, this has been the highlight of my day. Most likely due to the fact that the tuna salad has been in the fridge for well over a week now and I was well aware of the gamble I was taking by making this sandwhich and that was fun.)
6. Again staring at my computer at home and trying to bring myself to write my resume.
7. Writing this blog and playing on facebook.
So pretty much 8 things I have been doing instead of reading those books I should probably finish. Hopefully one of these days I'll figure things out and try to get them done.
PEACE
Fortune Cookie Of The Day
Why does the man who have everything act as if his cup is always empty. While the man who has nothing acts as if every cup he has ever owned was filled to the brim?
I know I left you a little unloved last night, been a weird couple of days all sorts of moody and I can't quite figure it out. Maybe its gas, ya know like back in the days of being an infant, when I was all cranky and jazz, then my grandmama would tell my mum that the reason was gas and all she had to do was gimme prune juice or something and I would get all loosened up and be all better. Where is that quick fix as an adult, I've tried farting, I've tried shitting, I've tried all the juices under the sun. I am just moody, can't figure it out.
Anyway, so I popped my trunk today and found three books in the back. Let me preface this whole paragraph with this little nugget. I have a very bad habit of starting a book that is really interesting and then getting bored with it halfway through and giving up on it or just forgetting about it all together. So anyway, I found three books in my trunk that I have started and only gotten about halfway through or less. They are:
Sigmund Freud's Interpretation Of Dream, A Book On Speed Reading, and a book on how to play and the history of the Didgeridoo. So instead of hunkering down and trying to finish these books I decided to write this blog about things I have been doing instead.
1. I went to work today and stared at my computer trying to bring myself to write my resume which has been looming over my head like a shitty shit storm cloud.
2.I talked to my sister on the phone for a good 45 minutes while at work. ( So that actually counts as two cuz not only was I not reading, I was also not working.)
3.Going Tanning and trying not to gag and the stench I had created by farting inside my tanning bed. ( BTW it was sum where in the range of wet dog hair that had scorched off the dogs back and a really really really rotten egg.)
3 1/2. Going to the gym and using the eliptical. Since its the only thing next to swimming I can do right now due to my knee. However I did the 30/30 program on it and got my ass kicked. ( 30/30 is 30 second sprint which on the eliptical is above 80 rpms, and then a 30 sec walk which is below 40 rpms. So I had that set for an hour and only made it to 13 minutes. Which also why this is awarded 3 1/2 spot.)
4. Playing Modern Warfare 2 with my neighbor, then quitting cuz the lag was really pissing me off.
5. Making a tuna sandwhich and eating it. ( Surprisingly out of the whole day thus far its only 6 pm right now, this has been the highlight of my day. Most likely due to the fact that the tuna salad has been in the fridge for well over a week now and I was well aware of the gamble I was taking by making this sandwhich and that was fun.)
6. Again staring at my computer at home and trying to bring myself to write my resume.
7. Writing this blog and playing on facebook.
So pretty much 8 things I have been doing instead of reading those books I should probably finish. Hopefully one of these days I'll figure things out and try to get them done.
PEACE
Fortune Cookie Of The Day
Why does the man who have everything act as if his cup is always empty. While the man who has nothing acts as if every cup he has ever owned was filled to the brim?
Monday, January 11, 2010
Not Much
HEY! Blog
What is going on tonight? Not too much on this end just sitting down with a sipper of Orange Vodka and Pineapple juice with a lil splash of lemon and lime juice.
Been playing a heluva lot of Modern Warfare 2 the last few days, been pretty bad ass. Not much today I have been pretty tired as of late and really have a hard time trying to be funny so I'll catch ya later blog buddy peace
What is going on tonight? Not too much on this end just sitting down with a sipper of Orange Vodka and Pineapple juice with a lil splash of lemon and lime juice.
Been playing a heluva lot of Modern Warfare 2 the last few days, been pretty bad ass. Not much today I have been pretty tired as of late and really have a hard time trying to be funny so I'll catch ya later blog buddy peace
Sunday, January 10, 2010
Russians, Vader, and Bears OH MY!!!!!
Good morning blog,
I want to start by telling you about the first dream I had last night it was quite the story. It started with me on some military base. I was late for work and I was calling in to let my command know I was late for work. They said not too worry about coming in, instead I had to go my boss's house and babysit his daughters. Which it turns out happened to be my real life little cousins. Any way, the youngest one runs off and starts playing hide and seek on the entire base. I am am scrambling to find her before the workday is over. Eventually I find her, and then both of them run off. So again I am running all over base trying to find both these little girls. Well my morals are not warped I guess cuz I ended up finding them AGAIN!!.
However right after I found them is when shit hits the fan. Russian's invade the base and I am holding an M14 TCOB sort of, when I say taking care of business I mean running away and take an ass load of bullets in the bum. I finally get to a secured bunker where I have to explain to Obama that the reason Russians are invading is because I lost my boss's daughters babysitting.
So thats what I was dealing with all night. The best part is, I know exactly why I dreamed all this. All day yesterday I played Modern Warfare 2, ALL DAY. Then last night while I was falling asleep I watched Monsters INC. As well as the simple fact that I slept with my Nicotine patch on too. So that was my first dream. The next dream was quite insane as well it involved my two favorite movie villans.
So it starts off in the New York sewers. I am visting my favorite Teenage Shellbacks. We're are chilling eating pizza. Then the footclan invades the hideout and again I am running and hiding while the Turtles are kickign some major ass. I eventually get captured by the foot cuz I know very little ninjitsu, like in the areana of none. So I am captured and taken to the foot headquarters. Then I meet the shredder, and he is just as much of a badass as I have always thought. So the shred dude is giving me the business and whatnot, all of a sudden darth Vader just comes from no where. Vader and shredder explain to me how they went to villian school together and how they were both awarded "most likely to TCOB in the future". Any way they get into stories of the past and shit. So then comes time for them to decide what they want to do with me, and before they decide they want me to decide which on of them is my real father. All of a sudden out of no where they are standing on stage with mics. They are in a full blown American Idol style compitition for fatherhood. I am sitting in Simon's spot, April O'Neil is in Paula's spot, and Fozzy Bear is sitting in Randy's spot. The host with the most......thats right none other than Beetleguise is the host taking over for Ryan Seacrest. So the show goes on, and both of them plead their cases as to why they should be my father, and right when the winner is about to be announced my alarm goes off and I have to take my roomate to the airport.
Talk about dreams you wish you could revisit, cuz that dream was badass, I wanted to know who my real father was so bad!!!!! I have no idea what I did to get this dream, but I want to go back for the show's finale.
Anyway today is playoff Sunday so I gotta watch my Packers get thier win on. Thanks for letting me drivel my dreams off to you my friend.
PEACE
Fortune Cookie Of The Day
How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck had no teeth?
I want to start by telling you about the first dream I had last night it was quite the story. It started with me on some military base. I was late for work and I was calling in to let my command know I was late for work. They said not too worry about coming in, instead I had to go my boss's house and babysit his daughters. Which it turns out happened to be my real life little cousins. Any way, the youngest one runs off and starts playing hide and seek on the entire base. I am am scrambling to find her before the workday is over. Eventually I find her, and then both of them run off. So again I am running all over base trying to find both these little girls. Well my morals are not warped I guess cuz I ended up finding them AGAIN!!.
However right after I found them is when shit hits the fan. Russian's invade the base and I am holding an M14 TCOB sort of, when I say taking care of business I mean running away and take an ass load of bullets in the bum. I finally get to a secured bunker where I have to explain to Obama that the reason Russians are invading is because I lost my boss's daughters babysitting.
So thats what I was dealing with all night. The best part is, I know exactly why I dreamed all this. All day yesterday I played Modern Warfare 2, ALL DAY. Then last night while I was falling asleep I watched Monsters INC. As well as the simple fact that I slept with my Nicotine patch on too. So that was my first dream. The next dream was quite insane as well it involved my two favorite movie villans.
So it starts off in the New York sewers. I am visting my favorite Teenage Shellbacks. We're are chilling eating pizza. Then the footclan invades the hideout and again I am running and hiding while the Turtles are kickign some major ass. I eventually get captured by the foot cuz I know very little ninjitsu, like in the areana of none. So I am captured and taken to the foot headquarters. Then I meet the shredder, and he is just as much of a badass as I have always thought. So the shred dude is giving me the business and whatnot, all of a sudden darth Vader just comes from no where. Vader and shredder explain to me how they went to villian school together and how they were both awarded "most likely to TCOB in the future". Any way they get into stories of the past and shit. So then comes time for them to decide what they want to do with me, and before they decide they want me to decide which on of them is my real father. All of a sudden out of no where they are standing on stage with mics. They are in a full blown American Idol style compitition for fatherhood. I am sitting in Simon's spot, April O'Neil is in Paula's spot, and Fozzy Bear is sitting in Randy's spot. The host with the most......thats right none other than Beetleguise is the host taking over for Ryan Seacrest. So the show goes on, and both of them plead their cases as to why they should be my father, and right when the winner is about to be announced my alarm goes off and I have to take my roomate to the airport.
Talk about dreams you wish you could revisit, cuz that dream was badass, I wanted to know who my real father was so bad!!!!! I have no idea what I did to get this dream, but I want to go back for the show's finale.
Anyway today is playoff Sunday so I gotta watch my Packers get thier win on. Thanks for letting me drivel my dreams off to you my friend.
PEACE
Fortune Cookie Of The Day
How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck had no teeth?
Saturday, January 9, 2010
Don't War, SIESTA!!!!!!!!!
Good Morning Blog,
Glad to see your up and early on this fine January day. Sorry I have not been showing you the love the last few days, I have just been in the sleep mode. I now know what Winnie the Poo and Yogi go through every winter. If I had it my way, I would accept the Mexican Style Siesta only I would extend it all winter long. I would call all wars and everything on a time out sort of mode and just have the entire USA go into a deep hibernation. We would cut down on so many things. For a whole 5 months nothing would get used and that would really help savings around here. Just go on TV and say "look here enemies of the USA, we are calling a time out and (hold up my hands in timeout fashion) we don't care what you do to each other from the dates of Dec 21st to March 21st. Just don't involve us. Canada will be holding all our calls until we get back so please route your problems through them."
That's what I would do.........
P.S.
Fortune Cookie Of The Day
If You Hung Upside Down On Monkey Bars and Ate Upside Down Cake While Listening To The Band Cake, Then Technically.........You'd Be Eating Cake and Listening To The Band Upside Down Cake.......Right?
Glad to see your up and early on this fine January day. Sorry I have not been showing you the love the last few days, I have just been in the sleep mode. I now know what Winnie the Poo and Yogi go through every winter. If I had it my way, I would accept the Mexican Style Siesta only I would extend it all winter long. I would call all wars and everything on a time out sort of mode and just have the entire USA go into a deep hibernation. We would cut down on so many things. For a whole 5 months nothing would get used and that would really help savings around here. Just go on TV and say "look here enemies of the USA, we are calling a time out and (hold up my hands in timeout fashion) we don't care what you do to each other from the dates of Dec 21st to March 21st. Just don't involve us. Canada will be holding all our calls until we get back so please route your problems through them."
That's what I would do.........
P.S.
Fortune Cookie Of The Day
If You Hung Upside Down On Monkey Bars and Ate Upside Down Cake While Listening To The Band Cake, Then Technically.........You'd Be Eating Cake and Listening To The Band Upside Down Cake.......Right?
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
Sorry Blogster
Hey there, sorry about this but tonight I am just not up for writing. I'll get some sleep and hopefully be better tomorrow.
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
God Bless You
So after a long and drunk and eventually upsetting evening last night, I have returned to put my trust into the Drivel Machine again.
I love both my parents, in fact I am happy with the way they raised me. However in these early years of adulthood I have started to gander backwards into my past and quickly developed this thought about my childhood. It was very much like a carnival that you get dragged off to, and my parents were like the one ride that you threw up on and vowed never to get on again. Instead you said "see ya carnival, I am heading over to this water park called adulthood".
My parents were the greatest two people who could have ever come together and create a child which was not me...........nope that child was my sister. I happened to be the early one, planned but early. Or as my mum puts it, "you were fun sex, while your sister....well she was just sex".
My mother was the sweetest and most tender woman I have ever met. She encouraged us to do what we wanted to do in life while being that lifeline and safety net when things did not workout. She really tried to instill good morals and polite etiquette in my sister and I. She was a real stickler on the thank yous especially. She even started doing it to other peoples children.
One day we were sitting int he back of church, my sis and I sitting there making faces at each other trying to get one another in trouble with our mom. The pastor was doing his thing, and the crowd was silent. There was a loud sneeze that came from just to the side of me, it was another little boy sitting all by himself. My mother pointed at me and told me to tell him "God Bless You". I complied and the little boy just sat wide eyed gazing up at the arm flailing pastor. So my mother gave me a sour look and told me to do it again because she didn't believe I told him. So once again I complied, and the same response from the kid. He did not even blink at me saying "Bless You". Finally my mum notices the kid's not responding so she leans over me and grabs the boy by the shoulder. She starts scolding him for not having manners and as soon as her hand grabs his shoulder he whips to the side his eyes wider than before. So by now this minor disturbance has caught the attention of some fellow patrons. Soon enough the whole church is watching my mom scold this little boy for not having manners. Now I start to notice there is no parent coming to this kids aid, and I have suffered the wrath of my mother on a lack of manners rant. So I am just staying out of it, sorry bud but I did try to warn you. Finally the pastor stops his rant to come down to our alter and get to the bottom of this ordeal that has stopped church. As the pastor came down, he started to smile as the little boy turned and smiled too. The pastor asked my mum what she thought she was doing to the little boy. She explained how he was being a little snot for not saying thank you after we said God Bless You to him. The pastor pulled my mother aside and said to her, Ms. Boos this is my grandson, and he is deaf. The look on my mothers face was priceless. It was the last time she ever scolded any child about his/her manners as well as my sister and I. Now here is where the story gets really bad, after the service I saw the pastor and his grandson walking out to thier car and the little boy was talking with his grandpa. I don't mean he was signing to his grandpa, I mean he was in full on conversation with him. I overheard him ask his grandpa why he told that lady that he was deaf? The pastor simply replied God should never have to bless ones sneezes, that's the duty of people like her.
Hope you enjoyed that.
PEACE
I love both my parents, in fact I am happy with the way they raised me. However in these early years of adulthood I have started to gander backwards into my past and quickly developed this thought about my childhood. It was very much like a carnival that you get dragged off to, and my parents were like the one ride that you threw up on and vowed never to get on again. Instead you said "see ya carnival, I am heading over to this water park called adulthood".
My parents were the greatest two people who could have ever come together and create a child which was not me...........nope that child was my sister. I happened to be the early one, planned but early. Or as my mum puts it, "you were fun sex, while your sister....well she was just sex".
My mother was the sweetest and most tender woman I have ever met. She encouraged us to do what we wanted to do in life while being that lifeline and safety net when things did not workout. She really tried to instill good morals and polite etiquette in my sister and I. She was a real stickler on the thank yous especially. She even started doing it to other peoples children.
One day we were sitting int he back of church, my sis and I sitting there making faces at each other trying to get one another in trouble with our mom. The pastor was doing his thing, and the crowd was silent. There was a loud sneeze that came from just to the side of me, it was another little boy sitting all by himself. My mother pointed at me and told me to tell him "God Bless You". I complied and the little boy just sat wide eyed gazing up at the arm flailing pastor. So my mother gave me a sour look and told me to do it again because she didn't believe I told him. So once again I complied, and the same response from the kid. He did not even blink at me saying "Bless You". Finally my mum notices the kid's not responding so she leans over me and grabs the boy by the shoulder. She starts scolding him for not having manners and as soon as her hand grabs his shoulder he whips to the side his eyes wider than before. So by now this minor disturbance has caught the attention of some fellow patrons. Soon enough the whole church is watching my mom scold this little boy for not having manners. Now I start to notice there is no parent coming to this kids aid, and I have suffered the wrath of my mother on a lack of manners rant. So I am just staying out of it, sorry bud but I did try to warn you. Finally the pastor stops his rant to come down to our alter and get to the bottom of this ordeal that has stopped church. As the pastor came down, he started to smile as the little boy turned and smiled too. The pastor asked my mum what she thought she was doing to the little boy. She explained how he was being a little snot for not saying thank you after we said God Bless You to him. The pastor pulled my mother aside and said to her, Ms. Boos this is my grandson, and he is deaf. The look on my mothers face was priceless. It was the last time she ever scolded any child about his/her manners as well as my sister and I. Now here is where the story gets really bad, after the service I saw the pastor and his grandson walking out to thier car and the little boy was talking with his grandpa. I don't mean he was signing to his grandpa, I mean he was in full on conversation with him. I overheard him ask his grandpa why he told that lady that he was deaf? The pastor simply replied God should never have to bless ones sneezes, that's the duty of people like her.
Hope you enjoyed that.
PEACE
Monday, January 4, 2010
LameGay
So once again the internet has crapped up and kept me from posting in what my eyes was a pretty awesome blog and instead you are stuck with this lamegay two line post. BTW you would know that meaning behind lame gay had the interweb not acted so lamegay itself. Now because of the interweb the world will now be missing the definition of lamegay. and forever more it will prolly be thought of as a derogatory slang term which it is not. but the interweb must get better and not crashing before it can expect me to explain my word meanings.
PEACE
PEACE
Sunday, January 3, 2010
Stay Tuned For Your Regular Scheduled Programming
So its Sunday, the end of the weekend. Back to the work week tomorrow, I watched the Vikings work that Giant ass. I am not going to get to see my Packers take on the Cardinals though. So in place of the regular scheduled football I have indulged myself on the cult classic The Boondock Saints.
Still have not managed to completely clean my room, which was the ultimate goal of the weekend, though I did manage to pick up a bunch of loose wires and cords everywhere, put them into my laundry basket and shove them into my closet out of eye sight. So I guess you could say I did infact clean my room.
Again, nothing really interesting to report today, its been quite the dull weekend. So I am just gonna head off like this. I'll maybe update with a new blog tonight if I get the bug.
PEACE
Still have not managed to completely clean my room, which was the ultimate goal of the weekend, though I did manage to pick up a bunch of loose wires and cords everywhere, put them into my laundry basket and shove them into my closet out of eye sight. So I guess you could say I did infact clean my room.
Again, nothing really interesting to report today, its been quite the dull weekend. So I am just gonna head off like this. I'll maybe update with a new blog tonight if I get the bug.
PEACE
Saturday, January 2, 2010
Closet of the Gods
After an odd nigh of waking up every two hours I am up and half ass'n it through my day thus far. Got some Jamiroquai playing on the iTunes right now. If your not familiar with them here is where most of you have probably been exposed to their music. They are an acid jazz band, lately I have been jammin out to the acid jazz bands more and more. Its hard for me or anyone to define what acid jazz is, I would suggest doing the whole wiki thing and checking it out if it catches your interest.
So speaking of half assing things, I did get to rearranging my room last night, and only ended up moving the big stuff like the bed, computer desk and dresser. Left all the little shit to pick up for today, and I think I have even talked myself out of that.
Because today has been set aside for a trip to my newest favorite store. Plato's Closet, this place is amazing. Its a second hand thrift store where all the jocks, preps, and meat heads go to take the name brand clothes they don't want anymore. Clothes that I would otherwise not be able to afford, not because of a lack of money but because of the lack of dignity I would have for myself if I actually went into one of these stores and paid full price for some of this shit. However when you place the word secondhand or thrift into the mix I have a whole new set of rules.
Also I am taking a trip to my second favorite store today. The grocery store.
Again this is only my second blog ever, so I want to say to the blog critics out there " I don't care what you think of my blog, I know its basically just been my daily itinerary, and I know I over use the comma, but I am okay with that and if this is the second blog of mine your reading then you must be okay with it too."
I started this blog for me to easy into and eventually be cracking everyone up and to keep people updated on my goings ons. I don't really have much goings ons right now, but in the near future I plan on it. So for now I say goodbye but I'll see you soon.
PEACE
So speaking of half assing things, I did get to rearranging my room last night, and only ended up moving the big stuff like the bed, computer desk and dresser. Left all the little shit to pick up for today, and I think I have even talked myself out of that.
Because today has been set aside for a trip to my newest favorite store. Plato's Closet, this place is amazing. Its a second hand thrift store where all the jocks, preps, and meat heads go to take the name brand clothes they don't want anymore. Clothes that I would otherwise not be able to afford, not because of a lack of money but because of the lack of dignity I would have for myself if I actually went into one of these stores and paid full price for some of this shit. However when you place the word secondhand or thrift into the mix I have a whole new set of rules.
Also I am taking a trip to my second favorite store today. The grocery store.
Again this is only my second blog ever, so I want to say to the blog critics out there " I don't care what you think of my blog, I know its basically just been my daily itinerary, and I know I over use the comma, but I am okay with that and if this is the second blog of mine your reading then you must be okay with it too."
I started this blog for me to easy into and eventually be cracking everyone up and to keep people updated on my goings ons. I don't really have much goings ons right now, but in the near future I plan on it. So for now I say goodbye but I'll see you soon.
PEACE
Friday, January 1, 2010
Why Can't I Talk On My Phone In Twenty Ten
As many of you are all ready aware, its 2010.
Here's where I am sitting as far as accomplishments of 2010, and its only 11 hrs into the new year:
Coming in 2010, Boos is back, this time he's serious. Watch as he kicks off the new year by rearranging his room, cleans the house and tries the convince himself he actually needs to get the H1N1 shot.
Not going to lie to you guys right now, that all sounded much more funny in my head. I don't think I have mastered the art of the comedy blog quite yet.I'm new to the whole blogging scene and I think I missed the boat by about ten years. That's okay though because it took 10 years for us to get a Boondock Saints sequel, pretty sure my mind is trying to say it takes time to get god things so stay tuned.
I am going to chock the randomness up to lack of sleep in the last 48hrs. So I am going to sign off and I'll get back to you later.
PEACE
Here's where I am sitting as far as accomplishments of 2010, and its only 11 hrs into the new year:
- I heard the first drunk quote of the year " Why Can't I Talk On My Phone In Twenty Ten, It's Twenty Ten Mutha Fu**er, and I Can Talk On My Damn Cell Phone If I Want" Credited to the drunk guy in the corner booth at IHOP.
- Had a little orange light indicator come on in my car.
- Got my ass merced by 12yr olds in Call Of Duty.
- and convince myself that sleep in not worth it.
Coming in 2010, Boos is back, this time he's serious. Watch as he kicks off the new year by rearranging his room, cleans the house and tries the convince himself he actually needs to get the H1N1 shot.
Not going to lie to you guys right now, that all sounded much more funny in my head. I don't think I have mastered the art of the comedy blog quite yet.I'm new to the whole blogging scene and I think I missed the boat by about ten years. That's okay though because it took 10 years for us to get a Boondock Saints sequel, pretty sure my mind is trying to say it takes time to get god things so stay tuned.
I am going to chock the randomness up to lack of sleep in the last 48hrs. So I am going to sign off and I'll get back to you later.
PEACE
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